What’s Up Once Upon A Time: “Wish You Were Here”

Ah! So it’s the fall finale. I have NO idea what’s going to be in the Monday spot until March you guys, like, none at all, what so ever! So, this is going to be fun, I guess. Or something.

But let’s talk about this episode. I greatly enjoyed this episode and everything about it. When the premise became clear (The Evil Queen wishes Emma away and she is sent to an alternate universe where she never became the savior.) I was very excited because, “Those were always the best Buffys.” (My favorite is “Dopelgangland,” but there are a couple of them and they’re all pretty good.)

Rumple’s Seeing Double

As a result of The Evil Queen’s wish Regina and Emma wind up encountering an alternate version of Rumple who’s still all scaly and weird. While it was a crazy treat to see Carlock get to play with this version again, it still felt weird. Back in Storybrooke, he learns that his mother the Black Fairy, probably took his and Belle’s son, but it turns out the the grown up version of said son, who I will call Darth Baby due to his telepathic powers and black hood, shows up and he is pissed, and apparently going to kill Emma, so that’s a thing.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

Well, Robin’s back, but doesn’t know her, because it’s in the alternate happy world. Also, she goes after Emma and it’s not our Emma, it’s weird ditzy Princess Emma, so that’s sort of a bummer, by the end of the episode Emma is herself again, though.

The Evil Queen on the other hand is stuck in Storybrooke, and Darth Baby turned her into a snake, but she spends most of the episode sexually harassing Aladdin, so I’m cool with it.

Whats Emma’s Problem?

Stuck in an alternate dimension where she’s a dippy princess. Oh, and Neal’s still dead, even in her happy place, so that seems unfair. But she does wear a very pretty dress and and a ballin ermine trimmed cape all episode, so that’s a win.

Did Snow And Charming Have Something To Do?

YES! Charming went after the Evil Queen with a sword and in Happy World, they got to wear old age makeup. So, you know, that’s cool.

Henry Mills: The Kingslayer

Tell me that Henry wasn’t totally channeling Jaime Lannister in his alt-world armor.

My Boyfriend’s Back

Aladdin is a genie now and he gets bounced around. First, The Evil Queen grabs him and wishes Emma away. Then she suggests that they get down and dirty. (Cue Aladdin, “Ew.” Literally, that happened, it was glorious.) Then Regina figured out she could wish things, then David got the lamp, and then he and Jasmine poofed off to Agrabah. I hope they come back, because that story seems half finished and also I liked them.

Did We Meet Anyone New?

That’s a nope.

What’s Up Once Upon A Time: “The Changelings”

We’re back this week! And Oh, boy are we ever back! All kinds of Bonkers shenanigans.

So that’s what’s with the baby snatching!

So, of course Rumple’s mother is a fairy and that’s why he hates fairies. (Did we know that he hates fairies, I feel like this is new information. ANYWAY, he steals babies so as to traumitize The Black Fairy (his mother, and like I’m 90% she’s the one under the hood now…) or something, and Belle is done, so she makes an agreement with The Blue Fairy to give away her son, so that Rumple can’t get to him. I has a sad.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

She can’t forgive Zelena! She explains that she wants her sister to find redemption and happiness, but she’ll never be able to forgive her or have her in her life.

Yet another sad.

What’s Emma’s Problem?

She found the sword that’s going to kill her and the vision are getting worse. She luckily has the world’s most supportive boyfriend, who does things like get choked out by Rumple for her, and go on weird sword hunts.

Did Snow And Charming Have Something To Do?

Charming was for sure in sleepytown, but Snow and Jasmine had a little chat that lead to her and Aladdin deciding they needed to find a genie who could grant them the wish to find Agrabah.

My Boyfriend’s Back!

He turned himself into a genie. Hmm, I don’t see this ending terribly well, but I bet he’ll look good doing it. (Cue my sister, “ew.”)

 

What’s Up Once Upon A Time: “I’ll Be Your Mirror”

Guys, I don’t know what’s happening. I really love this season of Once Upon A Time. I started out recapping it to mock it, but then, I don’t know, this happened.

Anyway, let’s get into the episode.

Rumple’s Fab New Haircut

Belle is taking Rumple on, because she wants to protect their kid. This is all really great. She’s not going to stop and it brings out the super evil in him. I also like that Zelena is helping out Belle with this for her own reasons. Also, he tells The Evil Queen that she needs to kill Zelena. I don’t see that ending well.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

Well, she and Emma were stuck in a mirror dimension for most of the episode and they couldn’t help Henry get ready for his first dance with Violet, which was all very sweet. I’m glad that Violet and Henry is still a thing. Anyway, also, the Evil Queen is starting to realize that she’s missing something. Yeah, neither of them are whole. It’s complicated.

What’s Emma’s Problem?

Again, mirror dimension. Also grappling with her inevitable death (which will of course not be inevitable.)

Did Snow And Charming Have Something To Do?

This sleeping curse is letting the show get really creative. The episode opens with a brilliant montage of how they’re living their lives with only one of them being able to be awake at a time. It involves leaving notes and videos and caring for Neal and it’s beautiful.

My Boyfriend’s Back!

Zelena and Belle enlist Aladdin to steal the sorceror’s wand from Rumple. He and Jasmine deny that they’ve got a thing for eachother. He is still very sexy.

Star Wars Reference

The Evil Queen tries to tempt Henry to come to her side, and he says, “I’ll never join you!” She then points out that the Darth Vader thing wasn’t exactly black and white. Is the Evil Queen going to sacrifice herself to save Henry? Search your feelings, you know it be true!

What’s Up Once Upon A Time?: “Heartless”

You want to know what I didn’t expect? For there to be a Snow/Charming episode that actually got my feels this season. As “Did They Have Something To Do?” is a key portion of this post, I’d obviously considered them permanently sidelined.

Rumple’s Fab New Haircut

Hoo boy, am I not on board for this storyline at all. I do like that Zelena’s the one who’s blowing it up though, because, as we all know, she’s always been into Rumple. I also like that Regina is just kind of grossed out by the fact that her evil half is hooking up with her old teacher, because I mean, it’s gross, right? I don’t like it. Like at all. Ugh. Shudder. I DO like Belle being 100% done with his shit.

What’s Emma’s Problem?

She doesn’t really have one right now. No tremors, she’s worried she can’t help  her parents, but then Hook gives her a pep talk and she does her thing with Regina and with The Blue Fairy. (That’s right, she’s a character!) So, that’s exciting.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

Actually she’s also doing OK this week. I’m into it. I can deal with this Regina, who’s just doing to right thing, helping The Charmings and foiling herself. This is really a storyline worthy of this show.

Do Snow and Charming Have Anything To Do?

AHHHH!!! MY FEELS! Ok, so we get a Snow and Charming flashback! Before he became a prince and she was running around the forest trying to survive, she got caught in the crossfires of the bounty hunter, Dan Scott. OK, the guy is named The Woodcarver but he is played by Paul Johanssen, and I mean, it’s DAN SCOTT! He captures Snow, and David saves her, but they never see each other, and this is all learned through a magical sapling, or something. Anyway, The Evil Queen is threatening to destroy the whole town if they don’t hand over their hearts to her. So they do it, because they’re heroes. Then she puts Snow under a sleeping curse. David of course runs to find her and kiss her, but TWIST! Because, after Unerworld shenanigans that I’ve forgotten the specifics of, they no share a heart, so the curse effects  both of them. One of them must always be asleep. They can never be together.

Seriously, this is beautiful, I thought maybe breaking the curse would kill David this time around, but I like this a lot better, and it’s the first time the show has thrown me for a loop in a long time. Well done, Once Upon A Time.

Did We Meet Anyone New?

Yeah, uh, Dan Scott. I may have mentioned that. But I think that’s it.

Is Hook the Best Boyfriend Ever?

Yeah, he kinda is.

Seriously, everything about this episode worked so well. I was especially happy for Ginnifer Goodwin. She’s really great, and the writing of this show has been letting her down for the last few seasons, and this episode really gave her a lot to do, and I think this storyline is going to be great as well.

What’s Up Once Upon A Time: “Dark Waters”

Happy Halloween y’all!!!

I am super into the use of Victorian Genre Material in this season. A little bit less into the Aladdin stuff, but I totally get that, “connection to a beloved animated film” is a better marketing strategy than “weird novellas that only super nerds have read.”

Anyway, let’s move on to our usual stories.

Rumple’s Fab New Haircut

And his fab new make outs with The Evil Queen. (EEWWW, but we’ll get to that in shipping, below.) He wants the Sheers of Destiny (That’s a thing?) in order to change his own fate and get Belle back. It’s nice to see Rumple with a goal again. Remember when he was all about finding Bae?

What’s Emma’s Problem?

Emma’s pretty even keeled right now. She’s accepted that she’s the savior and that comes with a price. Of course, Hook didn’t properly dispose of The Sheers of Destiny (I mean seriously). But otherwise, she talks to Aladdin about how in order to save the people they’re supposed to save if they keep running away.

It’s nice for Emma to have a peer.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

Just again, with The Evil Queen running around. So fabulous though, like OMG.

Do Snow and Charming Have Something To Do?

They break into Zelena’s house for some reason, I’m not really sure why. To free The Cricket? I have no idea.

Did We Meet Anyone New?

Yes! We met Captain Nemo, who is apparently collecting other revenge minded dudes and bringing them on epic adventures to fill the holes in their hearts. It’s been a while since I read 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea but I don’t recall that. We also meet New Liam, Hook’s half brother who wants to kill Hook for killing their father. In the end though, New Liam and Hook make peace, because of Hook’s love for Henry, or something.

How’s Hook Adjusting To Modern Life?

Well, he doesn’t like Pop Tarts and is going to cook Henry a breakfast of eggs and boiled herring (Mama Nayds: Ew) so, you know, that’s not great. He is however committed to learning how to use the TV, or as he calls it, “Your magical video box.” I would like an entire episode of other action going on and Hook just watching TV. Specifically, I would like him to get into competition reality shows. Hook + Top Chef = COMEDY GOLD!

Aladdin is my new TV Boyfriend

As Aladdin sat in Granny’s with Jasmine, drinking coffee with an overly cocky tilt of his head and a glib dismissal of his ability to help anyone, I immediately though, “Oh, Jeez, he’s SO my type.” The recent resurgence of my love for Milo Ventimiglia as well as a “where are they now” article that included the fate of Mike Vitar (Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez/Luis Mendoza. He became an LA Fireman. I knew this. Because I am a WEIRDO), I realized that I have a very specific type when it comes to celebrity crushes. Dark hair, a little bit on the cocky side with a heart of gold and the skills to back up that cockiness.

Ahem.

So, while this plot line is SOOO boring, I’ll be watching closely, because I have a new TV boyfriend. (There are obviously exceptions to this. It’s the Chrises. They are the exception…obviously.)

You’re Not My Dad!

Henry and Hook generally do quite well with the whole step-dad thing. But we got SO CLOSE to the stereotypical teenage boy shouting at his step parent thing, and it’s ALL I WANT. I just want Henry to behave in a recognizable kid fashion, EVEN ONCE. But I do generally enjoy their growing relationship.

Do I Ship It?

Emma/Hook: Please.

Rumple/Evil Queen: NOOOOO!!! MAKE IT STOP!

Aladdin/Jasmine: Yeah, sure, whatever. He’s SO BEAUTIFUL you guys!

What’s Up Once Upon A Time?: “Street Rats”

For the episode that everything was building to (at least according to the marketing!) This was a littler bit underwhelming. But we’ll get there.

Who’s Your Dark One?

No Rumple or Belle this week. I miss them when they’re gone.

What’s Emma’s Problem?

Oh God, well, she’s fed up with how slow therapy is, that’s for sure. She decides that rather than go through with that she’s gonna find proof that being a savior is not a death sentence. She’s going to do THAT by finding Aladdin. Because everyone is convinced he’s alive, and that means saviors can survive.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

Well, The Evil Queen can’t be happy because she never lets anyone get to know her, which is also why Regina can’t be happy. But The Evil Queen DOES wear a fabulous turban when she and Zelena go to a spa day. So that’s a thing.

Do Snow And Charming Have Anything To Do?

Not this week. But there was enough happening that it wasn’t too obvious. Plus they’ve been busy, it was time for a break.

Did We Meet Anyone New?

Nope, but we did get the story of Aladdin, who was the greatest thief in Agrabah, but then Jasmine found him, took him to The Cave Of Wonders and he got savior magic. Jafar warns him that all magic comes at a price and then gives him a dagger that will prevent savior death. In the end, Emma finds Aladdin and he gives her the dagger. I’m sure something’s about to go down with this.

The Oracle Is Dead

I wish I cared.

Well, they can’t all be winners, but, we had a good run. Next week we get a Hook centered episode

 

What’s Up Once Upon A Time: “Strange Case”

I want to start out today’s recap by saying I really adored the titling of it, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde is the full title of the original novel written by Robert Louis Stevenson, and my lit nerd heart blooms at the reference.

The next thing comes from my dad (as I’ve said, Once is a family affair in my  house!) “I liked this. It felt like season 1.” This episode is very good but in general this season feels like a huge return to form, to the show’s exceptional first season. The writing isn’t as strong, but the story engine and characterizations seem to have settled down and that’s pretty great!

Rumple’s Fab New Haircut

So we learn the Rumple was very involved in the creation of Mr. Hyde, as he wanted Dr. Jekyll’s formula for himself so that he could get rid of the part of himself that was falling in love with Belle. We also learn that Jekyll killed a woman named Mary, who both he and Hyde were in love with, but she loved Hyde. And Jekyll blames Rumple, and so he’s going after Belle. It’s all very complicated and pretty obvious. But it’s used to illustrate a lesson to both Rumple and Regina that they have to keep fighting the darkness in them.

Also, Belle tells Rumple that SHE IS SERIOUSLY DONE WITH ALL OF THIS, which I also really appreciate.

Oh, also he kills Jekyll and Hyde, and we learn that you have to kill both parts to destroy them, I think…I was having trouble following all of that.

Anyway, he also has a fab new haircut!

What’s Emma’s Problem?

Not a lot of Emma right now, but this week, she’s dealing with the fact that David’s not super into the idea of her and Hook moving in together. Also, The Oracle is back and she’s looking for Aladdin, but we’ll get to that below.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

She learns that even with the Evil Queen separated from her, she has to be constantly vigilant to not be evil again. That kind of sucks.

Do Snow and Charming Have Something To Do?

YES! AGAIN! This season is great! Snow actually has a whole plot line, just about her (and Jasmine), she’s back to work at school, and she’s realizing that connecting with her new students from the Land of Untold Stories is a good deal harder than the cursed children of Storybrooke, her new TA, (middle school teachers need TA’s?) who it turns out is Jasmine, tells her she needs to find a new way, and she does, by teaching them physics by archery, or something.

Charming, meanwhile just makes annoyed grunting noises about Emma and Hook.

Did We Meet Anyone New?

We got the main story of Jekyll & Hyde, but they’re not new, so they don’t count. We did meet Mary, their girlfriend. We also met Jasmine, who’s story we’ll get next week. Also, it turns out that even though Aladdin was a savior, Jasmine was the one who needed to save Agrabah, which should be an interesting twist. She and The Oracle are looking for Aladdin, sure that he’s in Storybrooke. Guys, what if he’s the one under the hood?

Does This Episode Defy Certain Attitudes About Sexual Mores?

Kind of? Mary and Hyde clearly do the deed, which is what drives Jekyll to kill her, and that’s seen as a bad thing, not even vaguely justifiable. Also, everyone thinks that David is being a weirdo about Hook and Emma moving in. So! Progress!

How Is Hook Adjusting to Modern Life?

Still not great, you guys. All of his worldly possessions fit in a chest. Also, he wants to communicate with Belle via sea shell. Guys, is Belle, Hook’s only friend? Also, does he not know that texting is a thing?

What’s Up Once Upon A Time?: “The Other Shoe”

Guys, it’s time for our third installment of Once Upon A Time, which, once again, actually made sense and followed a decent plot structure. WOW!

Who’s The Dark One? Renamed: Rumple’s Creeping

This week, Rumple gives David information about his dead drunk father in exchange for giving a lullabye to Belle. He then creeps outside of Hook’s ship, where Belle is living and we hear the lullabye and it’s quite beautiful, and I dunno guys, I think I might ship it again…but we’ll get there.

What’s Emma’s Problem?

Well, therapy is a slow and difficult process. Also, she’s worried about robbing Hook of his happy ending by over committing to him, when she will be dying soon. Also, she wants a baby, because of Cinderella and her baby.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

Well, now Zelena hates her. But she’s actively looking for a way to destroy the evil queen.

Do Charming And Snow Have Anything To Do?

Magically, three weeks in a row, the answer is yes! Snow, in the Cinderella flashback, gets to befriend the other princess, and help Prince Thomas find her, and decide that she’s going to go back to teaching, and introduce Dr. Jekyll to Dr. Frankenstein. That’s like more than she’s done in the past two seasons combined, just in this episode. Also, David is going to investigate how his father died, which, it turns out may have been murder.

Did We Meet Anyone New?

Well, we got to know Cinderella/Ashley a little better, but we’ve known her since season one. We did get to meet her step sister Clarinda and her step mother though. As it turns out, Clarinda was in love with Prince Thomas’s footman, Jacob, but her mother dragged her to The Land Of Untold Stories, so they never got to be together. Ashley takes it upon herself to get them together, as Jacob got sent to Storybrooke way back in the first curse.

How Much Glitter Was In This Episode?

Approximately all the glitter ever.

Do I Ship It?

Emma/Hook: YES! And they’re moving in together, and clearly, Emma wants babies. YES! Have the babies! THEY WILL BE POWERFUL AND SARCASTIC AND GREAT!

Rumple/Belle: It’s hard to pull away from this one. He loves her so much, but also he’s the manifestation of all darkness…so? I don’t know. It’s hard.

Ashley/Thomas: They’re just precious. Their dance was quite lovely.

Clarinda/Jacob: I mean I guess? Clarinda seems nice, but Jacob literally said like five words.

What’s Up Once Upon A Time: “A Bitter Draught”

Hey All! It’s time for our second round of figuring out what hell is going on in Storybrooke on Once Upon A Time. 

We’re lucking out so far, because this season seems to be following an actual pattern. But I’m sure there will be some twists and turns that are complete incomprehensible coming up.

Who’s The Dark One Right Now?

Still Rumple. He’s mostly in this episode in flashback form, but he does get one scene with The Evil Queen where he makes her swear not to hurt Belle and Baby in whatever her plan is. Also she hits on him. It’s kinda weird.

What’s Emma’s Problem?

Still the tremors and death visions, but she’s sticking with therapy help stop them. But she’s currently worried that Regina is the one in the hood, as everyone else she cares about is in the vision not under the hood. (I will pay MONEY to people if it’s not actually Emma herself under that hood.)

Also, that pirate blouse is a problem of a different kind.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

Well, she is a recovering revenge monster who’s revengy side is currently running around without a conscience, sooo, yeah. We’re starting to learn that the folks from the land of untold stories are most certainly there because of Regina. Which will absolutely impede her happiness.

Do Charming And Snow Have Anything To Do?

YES! For once. They are integral to this week’s story of The Count Of Monte Cristo. Regina hired the Count to kill them back in the day, so they get some really cool fight scenes.

But because we were back in The Enchanted Forest, we were unfortunately subjected to Snow’s terrible wig.

So bad

Did We Meet Anyone New?

YES! We met the Count of Monte Cristo, which is a mean story to put on ABC on Sunday nights, for those of us who dearly miss Revenge. Anyway, after he succeeded in his revenge quest, Regina brought him from post revolutionary France (I mean, I presume, his setting didn’t change) to The Enchanted Forest, where he was going to poison Snow and Charming, and Snow’s adorable handmaiden Charlotte, but then he fell in love with Charlotte, who wound up poisoned anyway as a part of a power play between Rumple and Regina, and they ran away to The Land Of Untold Stories, so she wouldn’t you know, die. And in the end she died once they got to Storybrooke anyway, and he wound up stabbed in the back by Regina after he tried to kill Snow and Charming again.

But mostly this made me want to watch Revenge again…Emily/Amanda would never get stabbed on a dock like a little bitch.

Has Hook Assimilated Into Modern Life At All?

Nope! He hasn’t even watched Star Wars or The Godfather, and I understand that they’ve been busy, and then he was dead, but maybe carve out time for Star Wars and The Godfather! They’re pretty important.

However, Henry listen Temple Of Doom as “one of the greatest sequels of all time” alongside Godfather Part 2 and Empire, which, no.

Do I ship it?

Hook/Emma: ALWAYS

Rumple/Belle: At the moment, no.

Rumple/Evil Queen: NOT EVEN A LITTLE

Zelena/Rumple (As he’s single at the moment): Sure, I mean, they’d be fun together.

The Count of Monte Cristo/Charlotte The Handmaiden: They seemed like a nice couple. I’m sad they didn’t get a chance.

What up Once Upon A Time?: Season 6: Episode 1: “The Savior”

Hey! I found something for the Monday spot!

So, for a bit of background. My family has been watching Once Upon A Time together since it’s second season. Which, incidentally is about the time that the show stopped following any kind of internal or external logic. But we still watch and we still try to understand, although, there’s really not much point. (Remember when Emma’s foster mom was also Elsa and Anna’s aunt or whatever?)

But, we truly love the show, and True Love conquers all, this is a consistent rule on Once Upon A Time. You know, unless you’re Regina, in which case, true love just causes your boyfriend to die in the underworld and possibly have his soul obliterated because the only actual rule of this show is that Regina is not allowed to be happy. Ever.

So, I’m going to ask questions, some every episode, some just because they just come up

Who’s The Dark One Right Now?

It’s Rumplestiltskin. I honestly couldn’t remember if Emma and Hook were still co-dark oneing it up, but it’s Rumple. He’s made some sort of deal with Mr. Hyde (yeah, that’s a thing…) to wake Belle up from her sleeping curse and save their baby, who pretends to be Morpheus, the god of dreams (and Neil Gaiman comics…but not.) to save Belle also. Anyway, they’re broken up right now, because she is awake, and she is also sick of his shit. So, yay?

What’s Emma’s Problem?

At the moment? She’s got hand tremors and is having visions of a sword fight where she gets killed. Oh, also, all the saviors (yes there have been others, and one of them was Aladdin!) tend to see their own deaths. And there’s a weird creepy oracle girl, who tells Emma she can’t run from this or fight it.

Lady, she dragged her boyfriend back from the underworld. So, you know, get bent.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

At the moment? Zelena had a feather from one of Robin’s arrows but she lost it before she could give it to Regina. Also, she ripped out half of her personality and presumably killed it. But she didn’t actually kill it, The Evil Queen is hanging out at Zelena’s house making Appletinis.

Which no one has drank since like 2009, but sure, fine, whatever.

She can’t be happy, but she can absolutely be FABULOUS!

Do Charming and Snow have anything to do?

Nope. Well, Snow talks to Regina about hope being a choice, but still, not really, no.

How old is Henry exactly?

Yet another year has passed in the real world, and Henry is another year older and it does not appear a lot of time has passed, like, on the show. So, yeah, that’s a thing. He’s also really only in one scene here, where he tells Regina that Robin is gone and she should give up. (Nice, kid, really. You’re the writer, why isn’t your mom allowed to be happy?)

Did We Meet Anyone New?

Well, we met The Oracle, “Morpheus” aka Rumple/Belle Baby, Jafar (now being played by Not-Sayid from Lost, as he was on Once Upon A Time In Wonderland), and Aladdin. Plus a bunch of faceless extras from “The Land of Untold Stories” which is where Jekyll and Hyde came from, and it’s Steampunk fab and all.