Not Pony Tails, Or Cotton Tails

ducktales-disney-xd-2017

When I heard that there was going to be a Duck Tales reboot, my initial response was, “but why though?” I had fond memories of the original, but saw no pressing need to bring it back.

Then they announced the cast.

Then the cast sang that adorable version of the theme song.

Then came the panels. (And my new crush on Ben Schwartz. Did I think I would ever swoon for Jean-Ralphio? No. Am I glad that I now do? You betcha!)

Then came the double length pilot. Then came the Youtube videos, and now, I am fully 100% OBSESSED with this new show.

Here are some of the things that I love:

Genuine Sense of Danger and Adventure

Something I’ve noticed a lot since Steven Universe pulled me into the magical world that is superior children’s cartoons (I’m trying with Gravity Falls at the moment, it hasn’t quite gotten me yet.) is that I really love the “big adventure” feeling of the shows, that I haven’t gotten from adult oriented genre entertainment in a while. I love my Berlanti-verse shows, but mostly for the interpersonal dynamics and awesome casting. Once Upon A Time I’m basically watching because I have Stockholm Syndrome, I think? Game Of Thrones was never about adventure, but Duck Tales really is. Scrooge is dead set on it, the Triplets & Webby (WHO I WILL GET TO) are aching for it, and even worry wort Donald is exceptionally GOOD at it.

Voice Cast

David Tennant. Kate Miccuci. Danny Pudi. Bobby Moinaghan. BEN SCHWARTZ.

Obviously, Tennant is the perfect choice for Scrooge, the Scottish accent, the quick temper, the thirst to find something new out there. It’s all in my favorite doctor. (Frankly, Capaldi could have done it as well!) And it’s creating a new version of Scrooge McDuck that we all should be grateful for, there’s a playfulness to him that I adore.

Kate Miccuci is voicing Webby Vanderquack. You know…the girl. But thank god they’re doing more with her. Webby is enthusiastic, nerdy, bright, lonely, odd, and puts glitter on her notebooks, because it is both pretty and functional (she can tell when the boys have gotten into her stuff by their sparkly feathers.). Miccuci is a treasure, and brings a sort of annoying but sweet energy to Webby’s manic pixie dream duck.

Danny Pudi’s work on Huey has been fine. He hasn’t gotten his spotlight yet, but the sense is that as the oldest (by however brief a margin) he feels the need to be the responsible one.  His dorky sea chanty mix tape and road trip itinerary reminded me of someone…I won’t say who. (*clears throat, closes touring plans and stares at floor*)

Bobby Moinaghan’s Louie is also kind of great. Louie is identified by his brothers as the “evil triplet” but he comes across less as evil and more as lazy and little bit entitled. His attempts to teach Webby to lie are kind of precious, and his overall belief that as Scrooge is old with one foot in the grave he is entitled to a fair share of treasure is hilarious.

And then there’s Ben Schwartz as Dewey. Clearly, Duck Tales has decided to focus on the middle triplet. And Schwartz is more than up for the challenge. Dewey is frustrated with is limited experience, especially his Uncle Donald and Great-Uncle Scrooge’s attempts to further limit it. He’s teamed up with Webby to find out the truth about what happened the boys’ mother Della, and he’s just overall the best. (Seriously, his dance through the death trap laser beams in Atlantis is BEAUTIFUL. “DEWEY Dewey, how does he Dewey it?”) It’s weird for me at the moment because I’m also re-watching Parks & Recreation and being this endeared to Jean-Ralphio is bizarre. But Dewey’s done it, and Schwartz is adorable so there’s that.

So far we’ve also had guest spots from Margot Martindale as Ma Beagle, Jim Rash as Gyro (which teased the arrival of Gizmo-Duck, who we already know is coming, who will be voiced by LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA, because God, or Disney, or whatever, loves me)   and Mark Evan Jackson (ONUS!) as one of Scrooge’s board members. I’m sure every voice actor I love will pop up at some point, and I look forward to it.

Ship’s Ahead! AHOY!

On Saturday, Crystan and I discussed our favorite game, “why am I a horrible garbage person today?” My reason this week? I’m shipping Webby and Dewey.

Yes.

I know.

It’s terrible.

They are cartoon duck children.

I don’t care.

They’re adorable together. Dewey defends her to his brothers when they think she’s too weird. She enthusiastically signs on to help him find his mom. I love them together. Fanfic will be written. Tumblr gif sets will be searched. Every moment they are on screen together will be analyzed.

Seriously, you guys, I’ve been doing this for well over six years, you get how I am when I find a new ship, right?

The Girl

I want to give special attention to Webby Vanderquack. I barely remembered Webby from the original show, which sort of speaks to her importance there. Luckily, in the spanning decades, many entertainment companies, and Disney especially have come to understand the market power of young girls, so Webby’s been given prime billing along with Huey, Dewey and Louie! Hooray!

Of course this is an action adventure show, which gives some pitfalls, that it seems at the moment Duck Tales is sidestepping. She’s still the only girl around. (Though her grandmother, Mrs. Beakley also there…) But, she’s not a tomboy. Her head is adorned with a bow. She wears a dress. She coats her notebooks in pink glitter.

She’s imaginative, a little naive, very eager to please and a total weirdo.

I adore her.

Overall, I really can’t wait until to see what the new series brings.

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That’s One Secret I’ll Never Tell

I’m rewatching Gossip Girl, because I was thinking about it during my OC rewatch, and then I learned that it was the 10th anniversary of the show this week, so I had to.

I don’t make the rules.

When I started, it was interesting, because I compared rewatching The OC to comfort food. It’s sweats, and reheated home cooking, curled up on a lazy weekend.

Rewatching Gossip Girl has not been like that. It’s more like a bender. It’s like I settle in, think, “I’ll watch an episode or two” and then the next thing I know it’s 1 AM, and Jenny has had five different haircuts, and Serena killed a guy, and wait Nellie Yuki and Blair were once friends?

Gossip Girl reminicing is always an excercise in restraining word vomit. Or in my case “texting my sister and Crystan compulsively.” Also updating facebook.

I wound up taking this week off from the rewatch because I was so tired. (I invested instead in the much quieter and easy to doze off to West Wing The Goldbergs) also because pretty much every thing after season 3 is a train wreck and not the fun kind.

Seriously, if the show had ended with Blair and Serena jetting off to Europe, Jenny leaving Manhattan forever, Lilly choosing Rufus after William gave her fake cancer (A REAL PLOT POINT!) Nate doing, something? (Poor Nate, I love him, but he’s so useless) and Chuck gunned down in an alley as his penance for HAVING SEX WITH JENNY HUMPHREY! I would be satisfied.

I mean, probably not at the time, but now, in the long run.

But there are three more seasons. And I will watch them. After season 3 I drifted in and out of the show. I know I saw most of season 4, and most of season 6. I don’t think I watched season 5 at all? Revenge had happened by then and it was doing Gossip Girl way better than Gossip Girl at that point. Also, I was living with my Uncles and they are Pretty Little Liars people, so I was into that for a hot second.

But Gossip Girl remains the gold standard for me when it comes to heady teen drama. I realized that as I watched it again over the past few weeks.

I love One Tree Hill (obviously), and Dawson’s was my gateway drug, and it’s hard to beat the original Beverly Hill, 90210, and even it’s older sister The OC surpassed it in quality most of the time. But Gossip Girl is just so suck you, fall in love, break your heart because of something awful and stupid (DAN AND BLAIR! CHUCK AND JENNY SEX! ERIK LEAVING THE SHOW! VANESSA EXISTING!), repeat, that’s it’s always going to be number one in the genre. It’s the Chuck Bass of television shows, and I am Blair Waldorf. I’ll always come back to it because of the three words and eight letters.

Happy 10th Birthday Gossip Girl

You know we love you.

XOXO

Right Back Where We Started From

The past few weeks I’ve been rewatching The OC. This came out a desire for comfort food TV…and to remind me what I love about the teen soap genre as I attempt to write my own through the prism of epic fantasy. (The Marina Chronicle, get on board!)

As I worked my way through the dramatic glory that is season 1, the self aware diminishing returns of season 2, the super slog of grossness of season 3, and the delightful breath of fresh air of season 4, I was struck by a few things.

The first is how refreshingly low stakes the show is. Everything stays very personal, to the Cohens and their world, and for at least the first season and a half, the problems themselves aren’t terribly epic.

The second is how the show rolled with it’s various punches. Not every show handles becoming a pop culture phenomenon that well. (I’m looking at you Glee) Not every show figures out where to cut and run on troublesome storylines (Trey Atwood, Newport Drug Dealer and Attempted Marissa Rapist). Not every show figures out which recurring cast members should become permanent so perfectly. (Summer Roberts, Taylor Townsend).

And finally, I want to talk about Ryan Atwood. And Ben McKenzie as Ryan Atwood, and Ben McKenzie’s chemistry with Adam Brody. And Peter Gallagher. And Kelly Rowan. And Mischa Barton. And Rachel Bilson. And Melinda Clarke. And Willa Holland. And Autumn Reeser. (Do you see where I’m going with this?)

The OC is about a group of friends and about a family, but it’s seen through this kid. This kid who takes the opportunity of a lifetime and becomes someone special. (“He’ll always be a bad boy!” “BUT HIS HEART! IT IS PURE GOLD!” – My cousin Tommy and I last Sunday as we watched the last few episodes of season 3. You’ll be hearing from Tom more, in the coming weeks, as we’re going to Disney World together next weekend.) It’s about opening up to trust and love. As hard as it can be to emotionally square Marissa Cooper’s death (it’s still not a great choice.) I always loved the idea that as an adult, Ryan was about to move on to someone who could appreciate his steadiness rather than take advantage of it. (Also, Taylor Towsend is the best, I might just feel this way because she’s pretty much Proto-Blair Waldorf).

And that final moment, when leaving his fancy pants architecture job, he sees a kid like himself sitting worried, and calls out, “Hey Kid, you need some help?” It’s the perfect ending to this story, which while it is a TV show, so follows a lot of different people, is primarily about Ryan Atwood breaking a cycle and starting a new one.

Next on my Teen Soap rewatch? I’m knee deep in Gossip Girl. I watched season 1 in two nights.

It’s sooo good, you guys.

Game of Thrones Winner: “The Dragon And The Wolf”

I hate this.

Every year, I hate this. I hate when the show ends, and this year, it’s even shorter and I don’t even have any episodes in the backlog to do winners for.

I’m gonna have to read the books again, and I’m still smack dab in the middle of The Stand, so I don’t think that’ likely to happen soon.

Anyway, who won?

The Stark Girls. Obviously.

Arya and Sansa

Because, look, these two finally learned to work together. AND THEY CUT LITTLE FINGER’S THROAT.

So he’s finally gone. And it’s at the hand of the two people who have more cause to do it than anyone else. Although, all of Westeros deserves a chance to spit on his corpse since every current non White Walker problem is pretty much all his fault.

Anyway, WAY TO GO Sansa and Arya, I think I could watch that scene of the two of them on top of Winterfell over and over again. (I’ve already watched it twice.)

Runner Up is a certain King In The North, who is also uh, you know, AEGON TARGARYEN THE TRUE HEIR TO THE IRON THRONE.

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

They’re around and alive. Good.

JON AND DANY HAD SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He defied Cersei for her. AND THEN THEY HAD SEX. She reminded him that she can’t have children. He said that maybe that wasn’t the case. AND THEN THEY HAD SEX.

The point is they had sex.

OH, in other shipping news, Brienne convinced Jaime to do the right thing.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

See above.

Arya Bad Ass Watch

See above.

Bran Stark’s The Three Eyed Raven’s Excellent Adventure

Bran and Sam compared notes and learned the full truth about Jon’s identity. Rhaegar and Lyanna were in love and married, in a secret ceremony right out of the ending of Episode II. (Seriously…if you didn’t get Anakin and Padme vibes from the scene…) Jon is not a bastard, he is actually Aegan Targaryen, the heir to iron throne.

This is complicated for a lot of reasons…

#NotAStark #NotABastard

So, Jon and Theon have a long talk about Ned being a part of them, so I feel like that might come home to roost at one point.

Oh, also HE AND DANY HAD SEX! Did I mention that part? And we saw Kit Harrinton’s butt. Which is always a nice trick.

Sam is A Ravenclaw

I’ve decided because it was Sam’s book learnin that gave us our final answer.

How Long Until Jaime Snaps?

Jaime did the right thing! He’s riding north to help in the big fight. He’s leaving Cersei behind. He’s honoring his vow to Dany and to Tyrion and YESSS!!!!

The Dragon Has Three Heads

The two heads boned. Dany and Jon had sex.

The other head, rode his GODDAMN ZOMBIE ICE DRAGON to the wall, and had his ZOMBIE ICE DRAGON blow a hole in said wall. He’s marching to Winterfell.

RIP

Little Finger. FINALLY. I won’t miss him. I’ve spent this whole season wondering, “why the hell is this guy still alive?”

So What Comes Next?

I don’t know. I have a few ideas. I think I need to revist the books. I know I say that every year, but well, I mean, I know.

That there are only seven episodes left altogether is really throwing me for a loop, if I’m honest. I love this world and story and these characters so much.

Spin Off Speculation

I’m better HARD on the fall of Valeria. It’s what I want the most. I would also think that the war between the children of the forest and the first men. Or anything with Bran the builder.

Game of Thrones Winner: “Beyond The Wall”

Around this time last season I gave out a win I wasn’t happy about and I think I have to do the same this time.

This week’s win goes to The Night King

Night King

Because OMG YOU GUYS AN ICE DRAGON! That’s something that’s going to happen. Anyway, he lost the battle, (kinda?) but he HAS AN ICE DRAGON NOW.

Soooo….yeah.

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

They aren’t around much these days but OMG Jon calling Dany, well Dany, and her comparing him to Drogo and to Daario.

I KNOW IT’S INCEST AND IT’S SORT OF GROSS BUT I DON’T CARE I LOVE THEM AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND THEY HELD HANDS AND SHE WAS SCARED THAT HE DIED AND HE BENT THE KNEE AND THEY ARE GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD AND MAYBE DIE IN EACH OTHER’S ARMS AND IT’S GOING TO BE EPIC!

Sansa’s Agency Watch

Well, her sister might be trying to kill her and Little Finger is controlling her way too much, so this section kind of blows right now.

Arya Bad Ass Watch

Not really bad ass. Just SUPER creepy, with her bag of faces and her threatening to take Sansa’s face.

Bran Stark’s The Three Eyed Raven’s Excellent Adventure

No Bran this week.

#NotAStark #NotABastard

Jon tries to give Jorah Longclaw. Jorah won’t take it and tells Jon to give it to his children. I take this as Jorah giving his creepy stalker blessing to Danerys and Jon. Or telling Jon to back off and go off and marry someone else and have children. Could be either. Oh, also he kills a white walker and he and Dany love each other and OMG OMG OMG!

Sam Is A Ravenclaw (Or Possibly A Hufflepuff)

No Sam this week.

How Long Until Jaime Snaps?

No Jaime this week, but hey, let’s talk about how long until Tyrion snaps. It might be soon, since Dany refuses to listen to him, but I mean, she wasn’t wrong to fly up beyond the wall and save everyone, and lose one of dragons, but I can see why that would be annoying if you’re Tyrion.

The Dragon Has Three Heads

I guess the third head is The Night King. I did not see that one coming.

RIP

Thoros of Myr. May The Lord Of Light lead him out of eternal darkness, because the night is dark and full of terrors. I’ll miss Thoros, and I imagine the Beric will not be far behind him, but for now, well, Beric’s still kicking.

Game Of Thrones Winner: “Eastwatch”

There is a lot of stuff in this episode.

Oh just loads. Just, so much stuff.

But who won? Well, that’s hard for me to pick, but I’m going to go with Jon. Though he doesn’t know half the reason why he gets the win.

Jon and Rhaegal

OH HEY!!!!! YOU’RE MINE NOW. – Rhaegal, probably.

So, here are some things that are happening for Jon. Rhaegal let him pet him. He and Danerys have a plan to get Cersei to leave King’s Landing and fight the army of the dead (maybe). He and Gendry are buddies like instantly.

Oh, and also Gilly finds proof that Rhaegar and Elia’s marriage was annulled and Rhaegar was married to someone else, which means that Jon is in fact, the true born son of Rhaegar Targaryen, and has a better claim on the Iron Throne than Dany, if it weren’t for the whole dragon situation, and the fact that he might not want it.

Oh, also, he’s back through the wall to capture a white walker to bring to King’s landing so that Cersei can believe in the Night King or something. Also, Dany.

Also, there were several longing looks.

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

Not in the episode. Cersei, however, is pregnant with Jaime’s baby, so my other werido ship is sunk, I guess. (Euron never really stood much of a chance.)

Hey, do you think if Gendry survives everything he and Arya can get together? Remember when he said, “you could be my lady,” to her. So cute.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

Little Finger seems determined to ruin everything good in the world by exploiting the distrust between Sansa and Arya, and Sansa is determined to hold the North, since her siblings (well, and secret King Cousin!) don’t seem to give a rat’s ass. (Granted, Bran and Jon are trying to save Westeros from the apocalypse. And Jon is honoring his people’s wishes by not bending the knee to Dany, but still, I get her frustration.)

Arya Bad Ass Watch

Mostly she’s just skulking, which is important, but all her talk of cutting off heads and people betraying Jon pissed me off almost as much as it pissed Sansa off. Her taking down Little Finger however, would be nice.

Bran Stark’s The Three Eyed Raven’s Excellent Adventure

Bran sees the Night King attacking East Watch, so Jon goes there.

#NotAStark

Rhaegar & Lyanna were married. JON TARGARYEN MOTHER FUCKERS. He is the rightful king of Westeros, the chosen king of the North, and one of the three heads of the dragon.

Oh, also, he’s really sexy, and has a new buddy.

And a plan.

Sam Is A Ravenclaw (Or Possibly A Hufflepuff)

Sam left the Citadel. Gilly, meanwhile, found an important piece of information from a book that may change the course of the story. GILLY IS HERMIONE EVERYONE! Also, Sam needs to stop acting a like a Gryffindor. He’s not. He’s a Ravenclaw, he’s possibly a Hufflepuff. Not that they can’t do heroic things. (Luna Lovegood and Cedric Diggory and all…) Just, you know, all of it feels off.

Oh, but you know. Also, there is proof that Jon is a Targaryen.

How Long Til Jaime Snaps?

He won’t? Seriously, I’m bummed out about this. But, hey, he sort of kind of forgave Tyrion, so Yay?

The Dragon Has Three Heads

A NEW CANDIDATE EMERGES! (I’m talking about Gendry)

Sitcoms Ideas That Could Be The New Spin Off

Bastard Buddies: Jon and Gendry are roommates. I haven’t really gotten beyond that part yet.

Ser Mopey Bear And The Dragon Queen: Jorah and Dany’s life as newlyweds. It’s like King of Queens except with lots of glowering and pregnant pauses.

The Odd Couple: Can two sisters who survived years of trauma share a castle without driving each other crazy?

 

Game Of Thrones Winner: “The Spoils Of War”

Look, I realize there are many things that are great about this episode, and while much like last year’s season finale, part of me wants to declare us the winners again, because of Stark Sisters reunion and you know “Dracarys” and all. But I’m going to have to go with my usual thing here.

Arya Stark is our winner.

Arya

She got home, you guys, and she’s going to train with Brienne, and I don’t think that Little Finger is much longer for this world, thank god.

Overall, there’s just so much joy in the fact that ALL of the remaining Starks are in Winterfell, even if Bran is, you know, not, anymore, or whatever.

Runner up is Drogon. Because, ALWAYS. “Dracarys” will get me EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

Both still alive for the moment. Missandei and Dany even talk about the GREATEST SEX IN THE HISTORY OF WESTEROS for a few lines. Also, Davos trying to become buddies with Missandei is the best thing in the world, and all I want is for everyone to be friends with Davos.

We will get to the other shipping thing in #NotAStark

Sansa’s Agency Watch

BAELISH NEEDS TO GO! But other than that, I’m not sure what her reaction is to Arya training with Brienne, she seems like, not on board, exactly. Which is weird. But better is the conversation between Bran, Sansa and Arya, where they discuss the dagger that Baelish gave Bran. Which again, we’ll get to below.

Arya Badass Watch

Arya. Will. Be. Training. With. Brienne. Also she has a Valerian Steel dagger. Time for our Wolf Girl to kill some White Walkers. And she’s back with her family, where she belongs.

Oh, and she’s like 1000% going to kill Little Finger, and probably very soon.

Bran Stark’s The Three Eyed Raven’s Excellent Adventure

Bran claims to not be Bran anymore, which is why he’s very blase about both Baelish giving him the dagger and Meera leaving. But like, also, MEERA DON’T GO! Stay and be badass with the other badass Northern Ladies.

#NotAStark

Jon takes Dany into a cave, and we all know what Jon does with the pretty ladies in caves…

OK, there’s no kissing “down there,” or any hanky panky, really, but why Tyrion and Varys don’t just shake the two of them and say, “IF YOU GET MARRIED IT WILL SOLVE ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS DUMB DUMBS” I can’t quite say. But in this cave, he shows her some paintings of the first men and the children of the forest fighting the army of the dead. She agrees to help him but only if he bends the knee.

Or you know, they could get married.

They are the new ones that I shout, “NOW KISS” at.

Oh, also he doesn’t kill Theon. Which I guess was nice of him.

Sam is A Ravenclaw (Or Possibly a Hufflepuff)

No Sam this week, but his asshole of a brother, Dickon, and his dumbshit father, both almost got fried by Drogon as Dany attacked the Lannister army, which was both amazing and satisfying.

How Long Til Jaime Snaps?

Well, if he survives sinking in his armor in a lake? I’m hoping that Tyrion talks him into the right side, but you know, it’s not super likely. I was nervous he was going to get killed in the battle, further putting his brother and sister at one another’s throats, but luckily Bronn saved him.

The Dragon Has Three Heads

Here’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot. People are focusing A LOT on whether Dany or Jon are The Prince That Was Promised. But what isn’t being focused on, is that when Rhaegar was interpreting the prophecy, he noted, that “The Dragon Has Three Heads.” Also, remember this is The Song of Ice AND Fire, not Ice OR Fire, which means, that they’re both likely the Prince, and there’s a third. The third head of the dragon.

Likely candidates are Tyrion, who many theorize is also a secret Targaryen, (complicated, but basically, The Mad King was obsessed with Joanna Lannister, and may have raped her resulting in Tyrion. I hate this theory and don’t think it holds water, but whatever.) Jorah, who the Dragons have always known, and who recently “came back to life,” and oddly enough The Hound, who was reborn after his battle with Brienne and who The Lord of Light granted a vision a few episodes ago.

People I would like but who there isn’t really evidence for: Arya, Sansa (especially Sansa), Theon, Sam, Tormund, Bran.

Only three episodes left. (GULP!)