What’s Up Once Upon A Time: “Dark Waters”

Happy Halloween y’all!!!

I am super into the use of Victorian Genre Material in this season. A little bit less into the Aladdin stuff, but I totally get that, “connection to a beloved animated film” is a better marketing strategy than “weird novellas that only super nerds have read.”

Anyway, let’s move on to our usual stories.

Rumple’s Fab New Haircut

And his fab new make outs with The Evil Queen. (EEWWW, but we’ll get to that in shipping, below.) He wants the Sheers of Destiny (That’s a thing?) in order to change his own fate and get Belle back. It’s nice to see Rumple with a goal again. Remember when he was all about finding Bae?

What’s Emma’s Problem?

Emma’s pretty even keeled right now. She’s accepted that she’s the savior and that comes with a price. Of course, Hook didn’t properly dispose of The Sheers of Destiny (I mean seriously). But otherwise, she talks to Aladdin about how in order to save the people they’re supposed to save if they keep running away.

It’s nice for Emma to have a peer.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

Just again, with The Evil Queen running around. So fabulous though, like OMG.

Do Snow and Charming Have Something To Do?

They break into Zelena’s house for some reason, I’m not really sure why. To free The Cricket? I have no idea.

Did We Meet Anyone New?

Yes! We met Captain Nemo, who is apparently collecting other revenge minded dudes and bringing them on epic adventures to fill the holes in their hearts. It’s been a while since I read 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea but I don’t recall that. We also meet New Liam, Hook’s half brother who wants to kill Hook for killing their father. In the end though, New Liam and Hook make peace, because of Hook’s love for Henry, or something.

How’s Hook Adjusting To Modern Life?

Well, he doesn’t like Pop Tarts and is going to cook Henry a breakfast of eggs and boiled herring (Mama Nayds: Ew) so, you know, that’s not great. He is however committed to learning how to use the TV, or as he calls it, “Your magical video box.” I would like an entire episode of other action going on and Hook just watching TV. Specifically, I would like him to get into competition reality shows. Hook + Top Chef = COMEDY GOLD!

Aladdin is my new TV Boyfriend

As Aladdin sat in Granny’s with Jasmine, drinking coffee with an overly cocky tilt of his head and a glib dismissal of his ability to help anyone, I immediately though, “Oh, Jeez, he’s SO my type.” The recent resurgence of my love for Milo Ventimiglia as well as a “where are they now” article that included the fate of Mike Vitar (Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez/Luis Mendoza. He became an LA Fireman. I knew this. Because I am a WEIRDO), I realized that I have a very specific type when it comes to celebrity crushes. Dark hair, a little bit on the cocky side with a heart of gold and the skills to back up that cockiness.

Poe Dameron


So, while this plot line is SOOO boring, I’ll be watching closely, because I have a new TV boyfriend. (There are obviously exceptions to this. It’s the Chrises. They are the exception…obviously.)

You’re Not My Dad!

Henry and Hook generally do quite well with the whole step-dad thing. But we got SO CLOSE to the stereotypical teenage boy shouting at his step parent thing, and it’s ALL I WANT. I just want Henry to behave in a recognizable kid fashion, EVEN ONCE. But I do generally enjoy their growing relationship.

Do I Ship It?

Emma/Hook: Please.

Rumple/Evil Queen: NOOOOO!!! MAKE IT STOP!

Aladdin/Jasmine: Yeah, sure, whatever. He’s SO BEAUTIFUL you guys!

Team Jess & Other Stars Hollow Hopes

The trailer for the Netflix Revival of Gilmore Girls dropped this week. The revival will take 4 “movies” at about an hour and a half each, and trace the lives of Rory & Lorelai (And Emily, Luke, and everyone else.) over the course of a year, each season being represented.

The show is dropping the Friday after Thanksgiving (brilliant!) and I’ve already vowed to slow my binge roll on it, so that my mom, my sister and I can all watch together. Preferably curled on the couch with big mugs of hot chocolate and baggy sweaters. (This is unlikely to happen. Knowing us it will be old yoga pants and red wine. Also fab, but you know, a girl can dream).

And now I warn you. I generally don’t engage in ship wars (despite being a shipping garbage person) but this is different. I fight in this army, I am always and forever Team Jess. I know teams aren’t really the thing in shipping anymore, now it’s the amalgam names, but this is old school, and it’s always going to be Team Jess.

Now, I’m not saying that Jess and Rory’s relationship was good. It was a trash fire. He was mean to her, she unfairly compared him to Dean at every turn, and their breakup that wasn’t really a break up, his numerous returns and obviously the greatest moment in the entire show.

I’m speaking of course about when Jess comes to see Rory while she’s living with Richard and Emily and asks her why she’s flushing her life down the toilet, specifically the line, “You dropped out of Yale? WHY DID YOU DROP OUT OF YALE?” which is my second favorite Milo Ventimiglia performance. (It was recently dropped from the top spot by this week’s This Is Us, when Jack told Rebecca, “Between you and the kids, it’s you, every time.” Behind it, is the moment when Peter meets Claire in the hallway of her high school during season 1 of Heroes, and the moment on American Dreams where Chris apologizes to Meg for making light of JJ’s stint in Vietnam.).

Anyway, we catch glimpses of Dean (WOOORRRRRSSSSTTTTT) and Logan (Ehh) in the trailer, but only Jess gets to talk. I think this is important. These two always got each other, and that’s why they belong together. I want them to be together. I want it so badly.

Other Thoughts About All Of This:

  • I want to know what the Lorelais think of Ryan Murphy
  • I am in no way prepared for the death of Richard Gilmore, I am in complete denial about it.
  • I’m diving back into Gilmore Guys, and have gotten well into season 6. These episodes are long. And that’s just for 45 minute old episodes.
  • I’m curious what Logan’s up to these days.
  • Paris is not in this trailer. This is not OK.
  • Luke and Lorelai are together. THANK GOD!
  • Christopher is also not in this trailer. I’m more OK with that.
  • We’re only a few weeks away from this.


Things I’m Obsessed With Right Now: SPOOOKY

Still sick, but I’m back at work! (Have been for a few days). But Halloween is coming. (Not Hallo-Reenie, I mean, that’s coming too, but Halloween first…) So, I’ve got my stuff together for Halloween and Hallo-Reenie (kind of), and here’s some other stuff that’s fixated me lately, through my cold medicine and coughy haze.

  • I’m running in my first 10K on Saturday! I hope I don’t have an asthma attack from the coughing. But really, I’m excited, I’m excited to run, I’m excited to get my time in to Disney for the big run in February, I bought new shoes. (Well, my parents bought them for me, as a Birthday present. I can’t afford good running shoes.
  • Westworld, but we covered that. But seriously, IT’S SO GOOD!
  • A thing I can’t really write about here because of jinxing and also life, but seriously it could be a big deal for me and cause huge changes around here. (Or possibly not, I know I sound vague but I mean, it’s complicated.)
  • My usual podcasts deciding to talk about Ghosts! Seriously y’all, I love ghost stories. I believe in ghosts, and I love hearing people talk about ghosts. The past few weeks both This Is Rad and We Got This covered ghost things. Kyle, Matt, Natalie and frenemy Adam Murray chatted about the paranormal and Mark and Hal debated whether ghosts were real, Mark, for sure, Hal, not ruling it out but probably not. (I’m with Mark.)
  • My Halloween costume. I’d initially planned on wearing the dress version of my Poe costume, but then one thing led to another and I’m dressing as a ghost. This is the first time I’m not leaning cute or badass for Halloween and I’m pretty excited about it. I mean, it’s still a cute ghost, but it’s new territory for me. I can’t wait to share pics.

So that’s what I’ve got. I feel like this year has snuck up on me in a lot of ways, but also, I’ve been very organized? It’s complicated, I guess, but overall, I have a lot going on and I’m very excited for the things that are coming up.


Westworld Wednesdays: If you can’t tell, why does it matter?

I didn’t go to work yesterday, due to still barely being able to breath after monster cold and I decided to watch the four episodes of Westworld, because I realized I could no longer willfully ignore this show.

Also, I still have come up with a replacement for One Tree Hill rewatch and “Westworld Wednesday” sounds really good, and it buys me six weeks to figure out my next project. (I was serious about the witches by the way, I’m torn between Charmed and Sabrina The Teenage Witch at the moment)

Anyway, Westworld, as a show, I was skeptical about. I love the original movie, which I remember being terrified of as a child. But, I had, well, have a thing for Yul Brynner, (Shall we dance, etc, etc, etc…) and we’re a Michael Crichton house. (Jurrassic Park ER were important to us, and I’ve never seen Sphere because it is apparently an abomination of the wonderful book, this according to my father and brother.) So, I watched it anyway, quite a few times.

Also deeply heady sci-fi has never quite been my thing, the only HBO drama to ever really grab me was Game Of Thrones, (I mean, Newsroom, I guess, but that barely counts because Sorkin.) Anyway, I knew that I could no longer ignore this show. And yes that might be because The Mary Sue is covering it.

Anyway, I’m glad I watched. This show is incredible.  It’s slow and intense and bright and the performances and design are extraordinary and Anthony Hopkins is there.

But mostly the writing. Oh, I am a SLUT for this show’s writing. (If slut weren’t an inherently sexist term used to rob women of sexual agency, you know.) It plays with narrative on like six levels that I can think of at the moment. And hey, I already have an OTP that the show tells me is doomed, like by design, but I can’t stop my horrible shipping brain from rooting for them. (The ship is Dolores/Teddy, by the way, Doleddy? We’ll work on it…) Seriously, I just want those crazy robot kids to get their sentience together and run away and have robot babies. It doesn’t hurt that they’re played by Evan Rachel Wood and James Marsden and there’s just so much pretty there, but I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY.

Which brings me to Westworld and it’s whole fulfill your fantasies thing. As a shipper, I feel deeply ignored by this narrative. There is no mechanism in Westworld for shippers. I feel like this is a grievous oversight. I want some overeager 20 something woman who follows Dolores and Teddy around clapping her hands and chanting “kiss, kiss, kiss” at them. Also Maeve and Hector, who are equally awesome. (I don’t actually want this, it wouldn’t fit with the show at all, but I hope you take my point…)

Anyway, let’s move on to Ed Harris as The Man In Black, a malevolent guest who’s been going to Westworld for 30 years and is specifically dressed and initially behaves like Yul Brenner in the original movie. (IS A PUZZLEMENT! Last King and I reference, at least this week…) But he’s trying to figure out WHAT IT ALL MEANS, which is great, because Ed Harris is great.

Overall, I’m invested, and I promise these posts will be less rambly and overview-ish in the future, and hey, maybe I’ll even go back and do the first four episodes one by one at some, when I miss this show a whole lot.

But first I’ll probably watch the movie again, because I haven’t seen it since I was like 12.

Divorce & Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Unlikeable and VERY FUNNY Ladies

I haven’t watched West World yet, I’m sure I’ll get to it. I was still in my “Game Of Thrones is over when I SAY SO” phase when it started, but I understand it’s fantastic and I can’t wait to get into it.

What I have been watching is the fairly brilliant dark comedy that’s paired with it Divorce (I’m also watching Insecure, but Issa doesn’t really fit with the theme of this article.) And while after my recent return to Sex And The City, I am deeply ready to accept that Sarah Jessica Parker can play a monster and I’ll still root for her, her character of Frances on Divorce is amazing.

But Frances is terrifically unlikable, in a way that you rarely get to see a female protagonist be. She’s selfish, she told her husband she didn’t love him anymore after he was almost shot at a diner party (long story, watch the show,) she had a long term affair. But she’s also hilarious and like Don Draper before her, you’re kind of rooting for her to get it together, and you kind of hate her deeply put upon spouse Robert, played hilariously by Thomas Haden Church. (That said, Robert is kind of a controlling, condescending dickweed…)

I’m really excited to see how this goes forward and the ping ponging of who’s really the bad guy here is an interesting way to tell this story.

But Frances being kind of a jerk to her husband is nothing compared to what the season premier of Crazy Ex Girlfriend gave to Rebecca Bunch. Our previously unstable, but mostly well intentioned protagonist shed her exterior and it’s become very clear, Rebecca is a monster. Minutes after she and Josh finally consumate and he calls her out on her admission of love and stalking, she twists the whole thing around to make Josh feel like he’s the one pushing too quickly and too fast.

From there it’s a little more standard Rebecca behavior, manufacturing a reason for Josh to leave stuff at her apartment. (Josh, for his part, is not exactly being the best ever either. He’s staying with Rebecca, and they’re having sex, but he refuses to sleep with her, or discuss their relationship at all. He claims this is because of his loyalty to Greg, but well, I think we all know Josh better than that.)

I’m a little excited and nervous to see Rebecca’s full slide into darkness. I’m even more excited to see Greg’s attempts at AA and Paula’s attempt to put up healthy boundaries with Becks and enter law school.

We’ll see how it goes, but Crazy-Ex Girlfriend has always given me great feminist hope. (Only one main character is a straight white dude…) but allowing it’s protagonist to be a full on emotionally abusive monster is easily the coolest thing the show is doing.


What’s Up Once Upon A Time?: “Street Rats”

For the episode that everything was building to (at least according to the marketing!) This was a littler bit underwhelming. But we’ll get there.

Who’s Your Dark One?

No Rumple or Belle this week. I miss them when they’re gone.

What’s Emma’s Problem?

Oh God, well, she’s fed up with how slow therapy is, that’s for sure. She decides that rather than go through with that she’s gonna find proof that being a savior is not a death sentence. She’s going to do THAT by finding Aladdin. Because everyone is convinced he’s alive, and that means saviors can survive.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

Well, The Evil Queen can’t be happy because she never lets anyone get to know her, which is also why Regina can’t be happy. But The Evil Queen DOES wear a fabulous turban when she and Zelena go to a spa day. So that’s a thing.

Do Snow And Charming Have Anything To Do?

Not this week. But there was enough happening that it wasn’t too obvious. Plus they’ve been busy, it was time for a break.

Did We Meet Anyone New?

Nope, but we did get the story of Aladdin, who was the greatest thief in Agrabah, but then Jasmine found him, took him to The Cave Of Wonders and he got savior magic. Jafar warns him that all magic comes at a price and then gives him a dagger that will prevent savior death. In the end, Emma finds Aladdin and he gives her the dagger. I’m sure something’s about to go down with this.

The Oracle Is Dead

I wish I cared.

Well, they can’t all be winners, but, we had a good run. Next week we get a Hook centered episode


Single Girl Stories: NYCC Post Party Grossness

One of the things I’ve been trying to do lately is put myself out there more dude-wise. As in, I am trying to go out and talk to dudes, which might lead to dating. It is…not always super fun, but can lead to fun stories. This story is less “fun” and “awful” and “not the worst thing that could have happened, but seriously this is the shit we deal with on the regular.”

So, two weeks removed from this story, I feel OK telling it. While at one of the post parties for NYCC, a pair of men began engaging in conversation with Kristi and I. Since we had the attention of the bartender already, they asked if we could please order for them, and they’d cover our already ordered beers.
This seemed a fair trade, so we said sure, and started chatting. One of said men sort of managed to isolate me. Not completely, Kristi was still right next to me, but we had our backs to one another. This will come into play later because it became WAYYYY harder to signal to her.
About, let’s say 5 minutes, into our interaction, this man stated (I want it clear that it was a STATEMENT, not a question) that we were going to go back to his hotel room. I laughed and shook my head, assuring him that it would not be happening, as one night stands and casual sex are not my thing. He asked why, I shrugged saying just not my scene. Seriously I gave him every chance to get out of this situation without being a creep. Cue ten minutes of crap about how a one night stand doesn’t have to “casual,” because of intense feelings or something. Once again, I said I wasn’t interested.
I managed to open up the stance so that i was now talking to both him and his friend and Kristi. This conversation went way better, was more Comic Con and fandom focused. The only thing that tarred it was that the guy kept trying to touch me and I kept stepping away. Eventually, I suggested checking out one of the other spaces (this was a big midtown club, with multiple bar areas). Kristi, bless her, took the hint, took my hand and we sprinted upstairs. Unfortunately, the guys followed us, but Kristi was now clued in to the grossness. The nice one (as we called him) had to excuse himself to get on a train back to Jersey (his kid had a football game the next morning that he wanted to get back to, the sketchy dude then mocked him for this, seriously.) and as such we all walked back downstairs.
I had resigned myself to this being my night, dodging this guy who wouldn’t stop touching me and pressuring me to go home with him, and I was really REALLY bummed out about it, because aside from GROSS, post comic con parties are among my favorite things about going to comic cons. When we got downstairs, I announced that I needed to pee, and we ran to the bathroom. We then went to yet a third bar area, where we were for the rest of the night. Finally, an hour after he’d propositioned me and I’d said I wasn’t interested, I’d managed to shake the guy.
Once there, we really enjoyed ourselves. Oh, AND we wound up dancing with two guys for most of the night, one of whom, when Kristi said she was married, respectfully backed off, saying he’d had fun dancing with her, but had come out looking to meet girls, so he was going to move on. Understandable.
So, the moral of this story? Be like the cool dudes we danced with, not like the sketchy one who bought me a beer. Also, everything, even getting hit on by a dude you’ve repeatedly said no to, is better when you’ve got a friend who’s just going to drag to the dance floor eventually anyway.