Game Of Thrones Winner: “Stormborn”

Two down, five to go. And we’ve got a pretty clear winner tonight.

Sansa Stark, is tonight’s winner of Game Of Thrones

Sansa season 7

Finally, all of Sansa’s fighting with Jon paid off, and he put her in charge of The North while he heads to Dragonstone to go palaver with Dany. (OK…I’m bringing Dark Tower language into my Game Of Thrones recaps…my fandoms are touching and I’m too excited to care much.) Also, all of the Northern Lords are way more in line with her than they are with Jon, which isn’t great in the long run, but is good for her right now.

Runner up is Euron, because, I mean, it’s Euron. I’m not going to miss The Sand Snakes, but I am going to miss Yara. He gets the win, because that was a decisive victory, but it was brutal, and to quote Michael, “Euron is going to be a problem.” 

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch:

OMG! OMG! OMG! Before Grey Worm goes off to conquer Casterly Rock in Dany’s name, Missandei comes to say goodbye, and they confess their love, and then they kiss and then they have SEX! And it’s AWESOME! And I managed not to squee, but OMG! OMG! OMG! How does Grey Worm, who as we all know, does not have a dick, have sex with Missandei? He goes down on her. And it’s great, and I’m really, happy about this.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

She won this week. I’m worried in the long run about what that power is going to do to my girl, but I’m happy for her, and the agency, there is so much of it.

Arya Bad Ass Watch

Arya is slowly but surely becoming a person again, and it’s really a cool arc. This week she saw Hot Pie again, and they talked about how Jon is The King In The North now, and she decided to abandon her “Kill Cersei” quest and go home, UNTIL, she encounters Nymeria and her pack (OMG OMG OMG!) in the woods, and her wolf refuses to come with her. You aren’t yet a wolf again Arya.

Bran Stark’s Excellent Adventure

No Bran this week.

#NotAStark

This week, our King In The North, the last son of Ned Stark, who, lest we forget is #notastark, got two important letters, one from Sam, and one from Tyrion. The one from Tyrion was asking him to come to Dragonstone and meet Dany and then bone her…umm, OK, actually is was requesting he bend the knee. But whatever. The one from SAM, pointed out that there’s a giant mountain of dragonglass at Dragonstone. So, Jon’s off south with Davos. The Lords of The North are #notonboard, but he’s leaving Sansa in charge, so that should go well. (I do not anticipate this going well.)

Sam Is A Ravenclaw (Or Possibly A Hufflepuff)

Sam continues to feel useless at Hogwarts, but when he’s standing with the Archmaester, he does get to check out Jorah’s greyscale. Then he sears and cuts it off, and it is disgusting. But hey, Jorah, might not have greyscale anymore? So that’s a win! And Sam does all of this out of memory to Lord Commander Mormont, and comes very short of saying, “I’m a good person, and also your dad was THE SHIT, so you’re not dying of greyscale on my watch, Mr. Mopey Bear.”

How Long Til Jaime Snaps?

Oh, well, since Euron’s likely to sail back to King’s Landing with Ellaria Sand’s head? Which means Cersei will probably marry him? Not long now. Also, he was trying to convince Sam’s dad to fight for Cersei. He did not succeed. I don’t think he’ll be able to succeed in getting many allies for Cersei, since he barely believes in her himself anymore.

People Dany Should 100% Listen To

Olenna Tyrell and Varys. Also Jon. Tyrion had a good plan that did not calculate for Euron and Theon being a total weenie.

Has Little Finger Learned ANYTHING?

Nope. People might remember that once upon a time, Brandon Stark almost killed him in a duel for Cat’s hand. Then there was that time that Ned put him into a wall for hiding Cat in a brothel, and now Jon chokes him out and threatens to kill him if he touches Sansa.

Granted, he did outlive both Brandon and Ned, but still, like, don’t mess with their women, Baelish. It’ll get you beat up.

 

Game of Thrones Winner: “Dragonstone”

GUUUYYYYYYSSSSSSS!!!!! It’s Back! Winter is here, (well, actually it’s the butt crack of summer.) (And the AC in my house is busted.) (So, not really feeling, the “winter.”) and we’re back in Westeros, and Game of Thrones is back and are you excited? Because I am excited!

It’s time to pick a winner, and well, other things. We have some definite not winners, that’s for sure. The Freys? Not winners. Those people that lived in that house where Beric, Thoros and The Hound were hanging out, definitely not winners. Ed Sheeran? Maybe a winner?

Nah, really, I’ve picked my winner, after some thought.

Danerys Targaryen

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She’s barely in the episode, but it’s good stuff. Her walk through Dragonstone, barely believing that she’s finally in Westeros, let alone at the place of her birth is stunning. Her joy at finding Stannis’s war table, at her obsidian throne and her one line, “Shall we begin?” CHILLS, CHILLS.

Runner up is Arya, because, also chills (from when she poisoned the Freys, not from when she had a jam session with Ed Sheeran and his buddies. That was just weird.)

Missandei and Grey Worm Watch 

They’re behind their queen as always, and it’s the best. In other shipping news?

STOP TRYING TO MAKE TORMUND AND BRIENNE A THING SHOW.

Also, Gilly and Sam are adorable.

And I ship Cersei/Euron a little. I mean, it would be terrifying, but also kinda hot.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

Sansa. My love. My true Westerosi soul sister. You’re not going to get anywhere with Jon by telling him your father and brother were idiots (they were) and then comparing him to Joffrey. (She did take this back. Jon is nothing like Joffrey, what a stupid thing to say.) However, the way you are dealing with Little Finger is perfect. Keep doing that, with the cutting him down with your words, and refusing to make eye contact. That was good.

Arya Badass Watch

The whole first scene, with her wearing Walder Frey’s Face, was pure badass. It was really cool, and very quiet and interesting and yet brutal. Well done, Thrones. Less badass? Eating rabbit in the woods with Ed Sheeran. Why is Ed Sheeran in Westeros? I mean, is Tay Tay going to show up too? The scene was fine, and a definite reminder that Westeros is truly screwed up still, from The War of The Five Kings and other stuff…but seriously, why, with the Ed Sheeran? WHY???

Bran Stark’s Excellent Adventure

Bran and Meera are at the Wall. I assume that this is so that anyone gives a shit what happens at the Wall. Also so that he can eventually get to Winterfell, and all of the remaining Starks can give each others hugs.

#NotaStark

This is a new feature where I spend large chunks of the show shouting, “JON IS NOT A STARK ” at random characters. I mean he is, but he also isn’t. He never was he was Snow, a northern bastard, and as it turns out he’s a Targaryen. If they had twitter in Westeros, #notastark would be a thing, and since they now have Ed Sheeran in Westeros, I assume twitter is not far behind.

Sam’s A Ravenclaw (Or maybe a Hufflepuff….)

This new feature will talk about Sam’s days at Hogwarts…I mean The Citadel. He spends a lot of time clearing bed pans and we get a montage of it and its gross, but interesting. Anyway, he talks to one of the Maestars about the end of the world, and we get a monologue about how it’s not the end of the world, so Sam steals some books, learns that Dragonstone is built on a mountain of dragonglass and sends Jon a note.

Oh and who just so happened to move into Dragonstone? Dany! Who needs a whole mess of Dragonstone real fast? Jon! You know who needs to meet? And then get married? And then bone? Jon and Dany! (Not necessarily in that order.)

Oh, also he takes care of people with Greyscale, and one of the is totally Jorah, like, they didn’t even try to hide it.

How Long Until Jaime Snaps?

Well, the death of his last child didn’t do it. Nor did Cersei flirting hard with Euron Greyjoy. Nor did learning that Tyrion is on Dany’s side now.

But this guy has very few straws left on the camel’s back. Something’s going to happen soon.

Other Pop Stars I would Like to see in Westeros:

Taylor (always), Lady Gaga, Lorde, Drake, Justin Timberlake, Any of The Living Jacksons But Especially Janet, Adele, Michael Buble.

Winter Is Here

Not to get overly gushy or anything, but OhMiGod OhMiGod You Guys! Game of Thrones comes back on Sunday.

While it’s a short visit to Westeros (only 7 episodes, although I’m choosing to think of it in terms of the two 7 episode seasons actually giving us 4 more episodes than one 10 episode season would, it’s still hard to stomach the abbreviation.)

I’ve spent a large chunk of my summer trying NOT to obsess over the fact that Game of Thrones wasn’t back and now it’s coming back and OMG I’m so happy that it’s back.

What’s going to be weird is I’ve lost some of my sounding board for the show. Mary and Joe have moved across the country and into a different time zone, so even discussing the show with them is going to be delayed, I will now rely on you, trusty blog folk, even more to flail over episodes with me.  But, since it’s been longer than usual, and because I’ve been avoiding it I haven’t rewatched the show as I usually do leading into the new season, let’s consider where we’re at:

Starks:

Jon has been declared The King In The North, and Sansa appears to be the power behind that. Little Finger (BLEH) brought the Knights of The Eyrie to save their bacon, and has declared that he wants the Iron Throne and Sansa as his queen (TRIPLE BLEH). Jon has banished Melisandre, and he and Davos are all set to shift everyone’s attention from King’s Landing to North of The Wall, where the White Walkers continue to grow in power.

Oh, also, Jon is actually the son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen, and is possibly, if Lyanna and Rhaegar were married the true heir to the Iron Throne, a prime candidate to be The Prince That Was Promised, and will, if all badassness is to be fulfilled, become the rider of one of Dany’s dragons. (Probably the one named for his father.)

Or he’ll die, because George RR Martin.

Arya has begun her vengeance quest. We’ll see how that goes. Bran is officially the Three Eyed Raven now, I think?

Lannisters:

Cersei is on the Iron Throne, all her kids are dead, Jaime likely won’t put up with her shit much longer and The Sand Snakes and The Tyrells are coming for her. I want few things in this story more than Jaime killing Cersei and then himself. It feels narratively necessary.

Tyrion we’ll get to later, but yeah.

Daenerys Targaryen, Stormborn, Queen of The Seven Kingdoms & Mereen, Breaker of Chains, Khaleesi of The Great Grass Sea & Mother Of Dragons

Khaleesi is headed for Westeros, everybody say WOOO!!!! She’s got a fleet of Greyjoy ships, as well as the ships of the slavemasters, she’s got a crap ton of Dorthraki and the Unsullied on her side, plus she’s got the council of Tyrion Lannister and Lord Varys and Dragons.

We’ve seen pictured of Dany and Jon together, but whether that’s because they have scenes together or Emilia and Kit were just having a chat remains to be seen. BUT OH BOY do I want those two unsmiling hardasses to meet up and scowl at each other.

People Who I Think Are Going To Die

I mean, besides everyone? I do not think that Davos is long for this world, The Lord of Light and Melisandre as his emissary are probably not going to let his rejection stand.

Cersei, as I’ve explained and Jaime after her.

Jorah, also probably a goner, which is a bummer.

People Who May Live But Who I Don’t Think Things Will Work Out So Great For

The Good Greyjoys: I just don’t see things working out for Yara and Theon. Euron is supposed to be the most sadistic and terrifying villain we’ve seen yet, according to Martin, and he’s been thwarted by his niece and disgraced nephew, which I do not think he will take well. Also, it’s not like, out of the question that Arya: Spirit of Lady Stoneheart decides that Theon’s redemption is bullshit and murders the crap out of him.

Sansa: Too much went Sansa’s way last season. It was awesome, don’t get me wrong, but she’s long overdue for a large scale setback that is also completely horrifying.

Dany & Jon: Look I want things to work out for these crazy kids. I want them married, ruling Westeros and defeating The Others with dragonfire. BUT, this is Thrones. Martin’s never met a fantasy trope he didn’t subvert, castrate, rape, murder, feed to dogs and then set on fire. Secret son of the king, turned reborn chosen one and exiled princess returning to her true throne 100% qualify as the kind tropes he loves to stomp all over. Thus, I fear that our beloved Prince and Princess Who Were Promised are likely to wind up dead in the snow, their eyes turning blue, servants of the Night’s King. Sam and Tyrion will likely avenge them. Martin likes them a lot. A little too much, frankly.

People I will Miss Very Much This Season

Margaery Tyrell. King Tommen The Adorable. Ser Barristan Selmy. Shireen Baratheon. Stannis Baratheon. Hodor. The Faceless Man/J’Quen H’Ghar. The High Sparrow.

People I Will Not Miss At All And Thank God They’re Finally Dead/Not Involved Anymore

Walder Frey. Loras Tyrell. Ramsey Bolton. Myranda. The Fucking Waif. Every Single Character In Mereen Who Wasn’t Directly Allied With Dany.

Shipping Things I Want

Yara/Dany

Jon/Dany

Dany/Anyone (Seriously, I ship her with the whole world)

Brienne/Jaime

Shipping Things I DO NOT Want

Brienne/Tormund (DIIIIEEEEE IN A FIRRRREEEEE)

Dany/Tyrion (OK, so there’s one exception I don’t want her with)

Sansa/Anyone

Funny Thing That Happened To Me This Weekend

So on Saturday, my friend Owen mentioned that he started that show and that he’s halfway through season 2 and he hopes that Robb Stark doesn’t get corrupted by his new found power. He asked me if this happens and I half laughed/half cried, “No, Robb does NOT in fact corrupted by power.” Then he said that he didn’t I think that Robb should be the king, to which I replied, “Well, even at the point you’re at no, because I don’t think there should be a king, there should be a queen.”

Then he kept prying about what happened to Robb and I explained that this kind of conversation gets people mad at me, and he said he doesn’t care about spoilers, and everyone who’s watched the show said pretty much in unison, “OH NO, you care about this.”

Because there are spoilers and not caring and then there’s having someone wreck the Red Wedding for you.

Anyway, I told him if he wanted my thoughts, he was free to come read the thousands of words that I’ve written here about the show.

And there are more to come.

Guys, it’s back on Sunday.

Winter is Here.

Deconstructing Defenders: Daredevil: Season 2: Episodes 3 & 4

daredevil-season-2

Season 2: Episode 3: “New York’s Finest”

While Season 2 in total is no where near as effective as season 1, this episode is among the best in the entire Defenders run. Frank has Matt chained to a water tower on a roof, and they talk about heroism, murder, Matt says Franks name like seven million time, “Frank, you don’t have to Frank! FRANK DON’T!” And then, after getting out, Matt takes part in The Hallway Fight 2.0.

But that basic summary really doesn’t do the conversation justice, especially not when you take fandom into consideration. There’s an ongoing conversation in fandom circles, only magnified by a certain director on the other side of the fence, about whether Superheroes should kill. And here’s that conversation, in detail, by two characters basically on opposite sides of the spectrum. Daredevil doesn’t kill, and beats him self up mentally and spiritually when he thinks about the pain he inflicts. The Punisher kills first, asks questions later, or, for the most part not at all.

“You’re one bad day away from being me,” is such a chillingly true statement, and I love it so much.

The other part of this episode is Foggy following Claire around asking her to help him find Matt and her basically being like, “I like Matt, but he’s a pain in my ass, so I’m cutting a running,” which, I can’t blame her for, but also CLAIRE! DON’T GO!

Karen decides that justice can only be served by Karen Page being nosy, so she does that and finds an x-ray of Frank Castle’s skull, with a bullet lodged in it.

Season 2: Episode 4: “Penny And Dime”

This episode is not as good as the last one, but it’s still really good, and has that epic shot of Daredevil standing in the rain on top of a church, which is pretty damn great. It also, unfortunately has the stupid, Karen and Matt rain kiss which is just. UGHHHHHH.

Anyway, Matt manages to corner Frank and Frank tells the amazing story of coming home from war to find his daughter in school. It’s heartbreaking and beautiful and awesome and I love everything about the scene, from Matt, sitting on the ground beside him, to the explanation of “one batch, two batch, penny and dime,” to now Sergeant Brett Mahoney apprehending The Punisher. YAY!

Matt, Foggy and Karen celebrate with beers and shots, and then Matt and Karen make out in the rain, but their chaste happy joy is short lived, as Matt gets home and Electra is sitting in his apartment, ready to throw things at him.

Other Stuff

  • Jon Beranthal can deliver a speech. That is all
  • Rosario Dawson is the best. That is also all.
  • I’m mean about Karen’s snooping, but it is actually well done, I just hate the relationship between Matt and Karen and wish that it didn’t happen. And her finding Frank’s house is really a cool moment.
  • Matt trying to get his priest to forgive him for shit that’s not his fault is both very sad and hilarious.
  • The Irish mobsters kill Frank’s dog, because apparently these men have not seen John Wick. Which is a shame because killing an unstoppable killers dog. Also, because John Wick is a great movie.
  • Guys! ELECTRA’S HERE!!!!

“I’m Marrying A Gay Guy Too”: Felicity: Season 1: Episodes 15 & 16

OK everyone, I’m done hesitating about this show, I’m completely in love with it. It’s so perfect in every possible way.

felicity-season-1

Season 1: Episode 15: “Love And Marriage”

So, Javier is getting deported, and he asks Felicity to marry him for his green card. She agrees because she’s a people pleaser. Noel isn’t thrilled but is sort of dealing with his own crisis, in that his older brother Brian has come to town and come out of the closet.

So Noel’s freaking out about that, and his girlfriend marrying his older gay man. These two stories don’t really dovetail at all, but it’s sort of a weird queer themed episode. Anyway, as Felicity learns that a green card marriage is way more complicated than she thought (no duh).

Meanwhile, Ben has been swimming and wants to try out for swim team and also he’s being kind of a jerk to Julie, but he does tell her that he misses being part of a team, so she encourages him to try out. He makes it! He also makes friends with a couple of people from the team, which becomes more important next episode.

Anyway, Javier’s boyfriend basically calls off the marriage, which is a huge relief to Felicity, and Noel comes around, kind of on his brother’s gayness and even meets his boyfriend, which is nice.

Season 1: Episode 16: “The Fugue”

Hannah’s back! (Jennifer Garner, SO CUTE) And Noel is confused, so is Felicity. She’s even more confused as she starts to talk to Eli, a cute painter boy who she’d met previously when checking out the art studio. Even Elena thinks he’s cute and that is high praise.

Meanwhile, Julie is getting ready for an open mic night and also she’s kind of over Ben’s swimming friends, who apparently are kind of the worst. Ben is less than sympathetic. But Sean’s really nice about the whole thing. Seriously they’re cute. Then it turns out that Ben’s annoying swimming friend is actually really cool and helps Julie tune her guitar and is actually quite nice. Ben, however, still the worst.

Noel breaks up with Felicity because he’s confused about his feelings, and starts to get back together with Hannah but decides he’s too confused for that.

I am rapidly becoming annoyed with Noel. Meanwhile, Felicity hangs out and then makes out with Eli. GO GET YOURS FELICITY!

Other Things

  • Why I Hate Ben: I cannot possibly hate how dismissive he is of Julie and Sean now that he’s on the swim team more. DUDE, these people like you and are there for you.
  • Team Noel: This ship is sinking fast. Though adorable, his “I can’t choose between Felicity and Hannah” thing better not go on long because I have NO interest in seeing beautiful wonderful ladies like Jennifer Garner and Keri Russell fight over that dummy. I still like him more than Ben Though.
  • Crystan Says: “There’s a couple that you’ll never see coming that you’ll absolutely love.” CRYSTAN IS IT JULIE AND SEAN????? Because I love them.

Deconstructing Defenders: Daredevil: Season 2: Episodes 1 & 2

Guys! It’s time for Daredevil Season 2! AKA The Punisher is THE BEST! (Also Elektra!)

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Season 2: Episode 1: “Bang”

The premiere of season 2 is the first indication that this isn’t the same show that it was the season before. Everything’s just a little bit bigger and slicker and then there’s The Punisher. Who we don’t technically know is The Punisher yet, and we definitely don’t know is Frank Castle.

Anyway, we open with Daredevil stopping a mugging that leads him to a church. It’s bigger and more kinetic than anything we saw before, and we see Matt’s upgraded suit. Which I think is great, but I’m also a fan of the original suit, so apparently I am wrong.

Anyway, after her gets the bad guy, we see Matt and Foggy on their way to work, joking and laughing, talking about Foggy’s date the previous night, they get to the office and Nelson and Murdock is overrun with clients, none of whom can pay of course.

Karen’s busy managing the office and when the three of them go out for drinks that night, the sexual tension between her and Matt explodes. Foggy is not thrilled, but whatever. (I am also not thrilled. Mostly because I think pushing Matt and Karen together was super de super lazy)

The scene where The Punisher takes out an Irish crime family is so incredibly intense. It’s also hilarious in a weird way, and brilliantly staged. It’s so clear that the team is revelling in this new brand of violence, and the first chase between Daredevil and Punisher is exceptional and Matt getting shot in the head, the titular “bang” is even better. (These first three weeks are going to be fun!)

Season 2: Episode 2: “Dogs To A Gunfight”

Foggy and Karen are consistently my favorite not Claire parts of Daredevil, so it really shouldn’t be a surprise that I actually really like this episode a lot. It’s basically the two of them maneuvering to get their client into witness protection so that The Punisher won’t get him. It’s pretty cool stuff.

Of course, there’s also Foggy dealing with the fact that Matt got SHOT IN THE GODDAMN HEAD and is still insisting that being Daredevil is necessary. The scene where Matt loses his hearing is so beautifully done and amazingly terrifying, I really enjoyed watching it again. Well, enjoyed is the wrong word, “was impressed by,” is probably better.

And that I really do love the fact that the fights between Matt and Frank, who we still don’t know is Frank, takes place sort of off screen and weirdly framed. It’s how most people see them, on the periphery of the real world.

Other Stuff

  • I must remember that there is not much Claire in this season. While everything is not as good when there’s less Claire, I understand the reasoning, she was off in Harlem filming a way better show.
  • The scene where Frank beats the crap out the guy selling child porn is so cathartic. We don’t even see the beating, but knowing it’s there is awesome.
  • I’d forgotten that the first few episodes take place during a heatwave. Such a great way to show tensions building.
  • Hey! That’s the same DA that threatened Jessica Jones.
  • Officer Brett Mahoney considers Foggy his friend now. Aw. Foggy also gets beat up by some bikers. He’s having a bit of a day.
  • Karen confronting Matt is great too. Look, I’m just saying that Karen is too good for him. Also he’s too good for her. I’m saying that this pairing is stupid and I don’t read their chemistry as romantic. Also Team Claire!

“I Like Todd”: Felicity Season 1: Episodes 11 & 12

Another two parter, and watching them as a set was really fun! Especially because this is a set of episodes that turn out very differently than I thought I would.

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Season 1: Episodes 11 & 12: “Todd Mulchahy Parts 1 & 2”

Ben: Felicity’s got a stalker.
Sean: Has or is?

So, one day, as Felicity and the gang go about daily drama a guy named Todd Mulchahy shows up and it turns out aside from being like, the best guy ever, he’s had a huge crush on Felicity since they were twelve. He insists that he’s come to New York to kiss her and begin their destiny together.

Felicity is freak out,  by this and it doesn’t help that everyone else who encounters Todd talks about how great he is. It turns out that he and Ben were friends, and he and Noel talk about computers and Julie thinks he’s nice. Elena might not encounter him, but she has her own thing going on. That is, telling Blair to go fuck himself after that whole, cheating on her with her best friend thing.

Oh, also, Felicity and Elena are trying to get into a seminar that’s basically “get right into medical school right after college,” class. It’s very competitive. They both get in, but not before Todd gives Felicity a crisis of conscience and eventually decides that she’ll continue pre med, but she’s going to start focusing on art more.

This crisis comes when Todd gets hit by a bus and it turns out that he’s engaged? This is a a weird as hell episode. Todd winds up OK, and like everything in this world it’s all about Felicity.

Oh, and it turns out that lady is not Julie’s birth mother, although, I think there’s something else going on there, but I could be wrong.

Other Things:

  • Why I Hate Ben: He gets a job at Dean & Deluca and is kind of a shit to Javier, but whatever, it’s just Ben being Ben. I do think his relationship with Julie is softening him.
  • Team Noel: He’s all adorable and confused and awesome here. He’s a good boyfriend. Everyone should love Noel!
  • Sean is inventing cereal. I think that I’m also Team Sean. He’s great. I mean, I knew that because Greg Grunberg and all, but still. I enjoy him.
  • The scene where Ben realizes that he and Todd used to skateboard together is probably me favorite Ben scene so far. Oh right, this dude is kind of charming and great.
  • The fact that when she’s worried about getting rid of Todd, Felicity runs right to Ben is insanely hilarious. Really, really enjoyed that.