Bats Like Us, Baby we were born to run

There’s a little nugget of information floating around the net right now, that I can’t ignore. Also, it’s important to note that it has actually been months since I wrote about Batman.

I'm proud of me too!

I’m proud of me too!

But how on earth was I supposed to ignore that fact that Gotham City has officially been placed in New Jersey by an old DC Universe encyclopedia?

You have to understand how great this news is to someone like me.

I mean, someone who has lived her entire life as a New Jersey resident, and loves Batman. (As I may have mentioned a million times) Someone who takes pride in the famous residents of her state, be they real, like Bruce Springsteen, Kevin Smith or The Cake Boss or fictional, like Holden McNeil, that guy who lives in the bottom of the ravine in Garden State, and now Batman!

Look, that the Caped Crusader is one of us kind of makes a lot of sense. We’re notorious for our short tempers, our low tolerance for bullshit and our inability to deal with our feelings in healthy head on ways.

We elected this man!

We elected this man!

Bruce Wayne’s Jersey Strong-ness makes perfect sense. Also, he fights the mafia. We have that here!

In case you were wondering

In case you’ve been asleep for the past ten years, there was a fairly successful television show about it.

We also have muggers and well, maybe we don’t have flamboyant idiotic criminals with stupid aliases, but most of the other stuff, we totally have.

Wait! These guys could totally be Batman villains!

Wait! We have those too! Please beat them to pulp for us Batman!

And so, in my small way, I am deeply excited to welcome The Dark Knight to the pantheon of amazing fictional New Jerseysians.

I bet Brody from Mallrats is about to explode from happiness right now.

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Bradshaw Begins

Anna-Sophia Robb is adorable

Anna-Sophia Robb is adorable

I’m totally hooked on The Carrie Diaries. 

I know I shouldn’t be.

I know that I’m about ten years older than it’s target audience.

I even realized about two years ago that I didn’t even like Sex and The City that much anymore. (I have a theory that HBO broke my generation, but that’s another story.)

Carrie Bradshaw really annoys me. Like in a big way. Why in Sex and The City: 2 is she exhibiting the same behaviors that she did in season 1 of the show? Didn’t she grow at all? Her friends certainly did. Charlotte let go of her neurosis and desire for a perfect life. Miranda learned how to enjoy herself and have genuine feelings. Samantha…um, well, OK, maybe Samantha didn’t change either, except maybe become a cartoon of herself.

But for some reason I adore The Carrie Diaries. Yes, it totally contradicts some of the background information we have on Carrie from the original series. She has a sister? What happened to this sister? Why do we never see her? Why isn’t she even at Carrie and Big’s wedding? I mean, seriously WTF? Her mother died, and her father raised her? But while Miranda is pregnant, she talks about her father walking out on her and her mother.

I can’t help but wonder…are there two Carrie Bradshaws? The annoying neurotic mess we all came to know and tolerate, and this adorable teenager who I’d totally have been friends with in high school?

I also looked out my window wistfully as I wondered...OK no I didn't

I also looked out my window wistfully as I wondered…OK no I didn’t

I’m going with yes. I’m taking a comics multi-verse type approach to this situation. There exist, in fact, several iterations of the SATC universe. There is, of course, the original print version, Candace Bushnell’s columns written for The New York Observer, which were then published as the book Sex and The City  in 1997, that will be called SATC 1. After that came the HBO and movie version, henceforth known as SATC 2. In 2010 the novel The Carrie Diaries was published. I haven’t read it. I actually don’t really like Bushnell’s writing all that much, even though I admire what she’s built for herself. But I imagine that she didn’t contradict herself too much, so I’m going to assume that The Carrie Diaries lines up pretty well as an origin story for SATC 1.

Now, one would assume, then, in that case that The Carrie Diaries, the TV show, would line up with SATC 2, right? Except it doesn’t at all. For the reasons I laid out for you and a few others (Carrie’s family, her socio economic circumstances, her deep relationships with her high school friends. Friends mean everything to Carrie Bradshaw, why would she just drop ones as amazing as Mouse, Maggie and Walt?)

AWESOME! Seriously, they're just fabulous

AWESOME! Seriously, they’re just fabulous

I think that this is a new version entirely, a third Carrie, The Carrie Diaries, sets up SATC 3,  a version where Carrie isn’t quite so selfish and impossible as she is in SATC 2, but hopefully where she still winds up  married to Mr. Big, unlike in SATC 1. 

They're assholes, but they're perfect for each other

They’re assholes, but they’re perfect for each other

Also, SATC 3 might be the best one because, well, it’s been engineered by Josh Schwartz, and he’s good at this kind of thing, and Freema Ageyma is there and she’s pretty awesome.

Also I’m pretty sure aliens have invaded The CW and that’s why Captain Jack Harkness and Martha Jones are both working there, trying to contain the threat until the Doctor can get around to it…

It's the only possible explanation

It’s the only possible explanation

But again, that’s another story.

We Hope That You Remember

I have never feared an alien invasion because for as long as I can remember, I knew that Will Smith would take care of it.

Will Smith eats alien invasions for breakfast and then writes PG rated raps about it!

Will Smith eats alien invasions for breakfast and then writes PG rated raps about it!

I finally got around to watching Men in Black 3 this week. I know it’s been a while since it came out, I missed it in the theaters and then had other things to watch. I wasn’t in a huge rush to see this movie. Men in Black is one of my all time favorite movies. Aside from Smith’s world saving alien butt kicking, there’s Tony Shaloub as an alien arms dealer/snitch, Linda Fiorentino as The Girl, Rip Torn as the grouchy boss, and of course Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K.

love Tommy Lee Jones. I just love him. I love The Fugitive, I love US Marshals, I love Double Jeopardy, I love Man of The House, I love freaking Space Cowboys. 

Why wouldn't you love this movie? I want to go into space.

Why wouldn’t you love this movie? Donald Southerland alone is a reason to love it.

But then Men In Black 2 happened. It was so sad. It should have been good. Rosario Dawson was added to the equation.

Between Rent and Sin City she has earned my undying love.

Between Rent and Sin City she has earned my undying love.

But it wasn’t. It was just a bad movie. (Little known fact. When J and K go to the video store in Men in Black 2, the girl who works there is played by Colombe Jacobsen, who played Julie “The Cat” Gaffney in D2 and D3. You know other people who know that? Other wierdos who write/wrote Mighty Ducks fanfiction.)  So I delayed my watching of the third installment, because I didn’t want to be disappointed again.

But here’s the thing. I liked the third one. It involved some other things that I love besides Will Smith kicking alien butt and Tommy Lee Jones being cranky and talking really fast.

Also  Captain America  He's also in that, and I also love that, and him in it.

Also Captain America He’s also in that, and I also love that, and him in it.

It has time travel, it has an origin story, it has a further delving in to the character relationship between the core characters, 60’s fashion and Bill Hader.

It's that thing, where he's hilarious, and then we all laugh forever

It’s that thing, where he’s hilarious, and then we all laugh forever

Plus it has Josh Brolin doing a pitch perfect impression of Tommy Lee Jones as a young Agent K in the past and a cameo by Will Arnett as J’s partner in the altered future where K was killed in the 60’s.

What? The Fresh Prince is going to talk down to the guy in the $3000 suit? I mean COME ON!

What? The Fresh Prince is going to talk down to the guy in the $3000 suit? I mean COME ON!

Basically this movie is almost as good as Men In Black, except for that I will probably never see a middle school cheerleading squad do a dance to it’s theme song. The bad guy is disgusting and funny, Smith is in fine wise cracking form, Jones and Brolin split the straight man role well, and Emma Thompson is in it.

Always makes things better. Just, always!

Always makes things better. Just, always!

I really enjoyed the movie is my point. And in my movie viewing for the evening, I sandwiched it between Red Dawn (The original, although I do want to watch the remake, if only for the Hemsworth factor) and Skyfall. All in all it made for a nice evening.

The Best Crime Fighting Duo Of All Time

No I don’t mean Batman and Robin, let’s not be obvious in our decisions here. See, the new season of Southland started this week. I love Southland. I love everything about it. I love the characters, complex and in the shades of grey where they are. I love the actors, all of whom kick serious ass. I love Ben McKenzie.

Ryan Atwood, always Ryan Atwood

Ryan Atwood, always Ryan Atwood

But this season. Ohhh, boy, I am so excited for this season, which I didn’t even realizes was happening, let alone did I realize the greatest thing in the history of gritty cop dramas/former prime time teenage soap opera stars/crime fighting in history.

Chad Michael Murray is now enlisted in the fictional LAPD.

In case you’re not a woman between the ages of 18 and 30 and you don’t understand the significance of this, this means that Lucas Scott from One Tree Hill and Ryan Atwood from The OC are FIGHTING CRIME TOGETHER!

Of course Ben Sherman isn’t Ryan, and Dave Mendoza isn’t Lucas, but how great would it be if they were? There is of course already a precident for this. In The OC, Seth Cohen turns all of his friends in to comic book characters. Ryan was Kid Chino, with an Atomic Armband and Fist of Fury.

Remember  God, The OC was the best.

Remember Atomic County? God, The OC was the best.

And Lucas Scott saved the love of his life from a school shooting and then solved his Uncle Keith’s murder by talking to his ghost and listening to emo with Peyton.

 One Tree Hill  was also great, but  consistently lamer

One Tree Hill was also great, but consistently lamer

So here’s the premise. Haunted by the death of Marissa Cooper (blech) aka Cosmo Girl, Kid Chino runs from Atomic County straight to North Carolina, where he saves a young girl from an attack by a gang of angsty mainstream pop punks. She thanks him and tells him her name is Sawyer Scott, and brings him home to meet her parents. Kid Chino sighs as The Cure or The Smiths or some other cliche “off beat” 80’s band plays from a turntable in Sawyer’s living room. “Do you have any Journey?” He asks, as Lucas, Sawyer’s father comes in to thank him.

Because Lucas is a stand up guy he and Ryan go get a drink and talk about their lives. Lucas explains that his wife, Peyton, Sawyer’s mother recently disappeared. There was a note supposedly written by Peyton saying she that she left because of something, something, I’ll always love you, but I have to go something, something, emo song. Lucas doesn’t buy it and thinks that his father Dan Scott, had something to do with it.

Not wanting Lucas to suffer the same fate he has, being forced to couple up with a replacement cast member, Ryan agrees to work with him to find Peyton.

They do, eventually, with the help of Kid Chino’s fellow team mates, The Ironist (Seth Cohen) and Little Miss Vixen (Summer Roberts), and Lucas’s family, Nathan and Haley Scott. (Jamie and Sawyer Scott may be inspired to create a Teen Titans style spin off group by their parent’s heroics…) They’re all reunited and hang out in a club that mysteriously allows teenagers in every night and watch an awesome band.

Or of course, Chad could play a scumbag cop and Ben could play a hero cop. Which is what appears to be happening.

Look John Wells, I’m just saying if you really want girls my age to love Southland this much go for the whole enchilada. Cast Milo Ventimiglia as I dunno, an overly earnest DA with a dark streak or something, or just put him in a cop uniform too, and have Lucas Scott, Ryan Atwood and Jess Mariano on the force.

Let the brooding commence!

TV, Marvel, and Connecting the Dots

I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking about what the Marvel Film Universe is going to look like now that The Avengers is over. Thanks to trailers we know that Tony Stark has some pretty heavy PTSD, and thanks to post credit glimpses we know that Thanos, the mad Titan, has an evil plan for Earth.

Of course as more details leak out about future projects I get more and more giddy. Last week we found out that Emily VanCamp of the awesome TV show Revenge has been cast as Sharon Carter (probably. We don’t know for sure that its Sharon but we can guess…) in Captain America: Winter Soldier. This is amazing news because A) Chris Evans and VanCamp will be a WASP-y All American Super Couple and B) Have you watched Revenge? Girl can kick some serious booty!

They just kind of match!

They just kind of match!

I was really very excited about this news is my point.

But that’s nothing compared to how excited I was this morning when it was announced that Chris Pratt was going to be fronting The Guardians of The Galaxy as Star-Lord. Pratt is funny, handsome and absurdly underrated thus making him a perfect addition to the Marvel universe of leading men.

Also any member of the Pawnee Parks and Recreation department deserves to be treated with the utmost respect.

Agent Burt MacNamara

Agent Burt MacNamara

One of the things that I’ve loved about the Marvel Film Universe is its incredible use of wonderful TV actors. When Clark Gregg, who I love, walked on as Agent Coulson, I think we can all say that this was the right decision on Jon Favreau’s part. Then along comes The Avengers, and those who don’t watch How I Met Your Mother began to understand how amazing Colbie Smolders is.

Now Emily Vancamp and Chris Pratt will join this list.

YAY!

I want to see a Han Solo movie, but not for the reason you think

OK, a couple of weeks ago I professed my faith in JJ Abrams and his taking over the Star Wars franchise. And before that I talked about my fanboy friends and how happy they were about Disney buying Lucasfilm (which devolved in to an argument about theme park rights…)

Look, I love Disney. And pretty much, I trust them when it comes to franchises. They clearly know what they’re doing. But, I’m not sure I love the direction we’re hearing about for Star Wars, which will be exploring side tracks in the universe, rather than continuing the saga of the Skywalker family.

Star Wars isn’t Star Trek, an elaborate universe built with many stories to tell. It is built as a coherent (sort of) saga of one man’s fall from grace and his son’s attempts to redeem him. (In high school, I wrote a paper about Luke Skywalker and how he could be interpreted as an image of Christ The Redeemer. I got a 98, points taken off because I didn’t exactly follow the assignment, which was to take a character from one movie, not three.) But, I also was one of those people who said, “A movie based on a Disney ride? Pff! That’ll never work!”

I was wrong. I was  so wrong

I was wrong. I was so wrong

So who knows? Maybe a movie about Yoda’s adventures as a Jedi Knight will be great. And a coming of age tale about a young smuggler/gambler/scoundrel and his wookie friend, could kick serious ass. I’m talking of course about the rumor that might make the internet explode. That we’re going to see a prequel about the exploits of Young Han Solo.

Now please don’t get me wrong, I love Han Solo.

This Guy!

I think I have made this clear

And seeing more of him would be great. I mean, if by more of him, you mean a in his late twenties Harrison Ford. Not someone else approximating that. Not an old Harrison Ford trying to recapture that magnificent feeling.

We all remember how well that turned out last time, don't we?

We all remember how well that turned out last time, don’t we?

But, I will be joining the rest of the internet in speculating about this movie. Because, really, I can’t not speculate about this movie. It’s like I’m physically unable. Moviefone has made a list of the actors they would like to see considered to play Han. It’s a decent list, and includes Logan Lerman.

I would watch Percy Jackson do anything!

I would watch Percy Jackson do anything!

Dave Franco

My attraction to Dave Franco is strong. You probably don't know who he is if you didn't watch the last season of Scrubs which statistically speaking you didn't

My attraction to Dave Franco is strong. You probably don’t know who he is if you didn’t watch the last season of Scrubs which statistically speaking you didn’t

and the guy who plays Jon Snow on Game of Thrones.

I actually think this would be great casting, but it would make my friend Adam way too happy, so I'm opposed to it.

I actually think this would be great casting, but it would make my guy friends from high school way too happy, so I’m opposed to it on principle.

I’m going to make another list. Plenty of people are going to be talking about who should play Han. I’m going to talk about who should play Lando Calrisian. The list is one name long and that name is Donald Glover.

Lando should 100% be an integral part of this movie, because as far as characters go, he’s kind of the best. Also we know that he and Han were good friends until Han won the Millenium Falcon off of him in a card game. Why? Because badass space pirates roll that way.

He probably not bet his ship. Therefore he is not as badass as Lando. (Sorry Whedonites. I do still love him)

He probably would not bet his ship. Therefore he is not as badass as Lando. (Sorry Whedonites. I do still love him)

And it should be Glover, well, just because it should be. Glover bares a passing resemblence to Billy D. Williams, (in that he is a handsome African American Man) has astonishingly fantastic geek cred (Community! New season started yesterday. And there was much rejoicing!) and has charisma to burn (watch his stand up, listen to his rap, or watch his guest spots on Girls.) Also, this seems infinitely more likely than him playing Peter Parker, which I was also all about (I didn’t think it was ever going to actually happen, but it still would have been cool!) but just as likely to get him to the next level of famous-ness.

Look at that smile! Don't you want some of that in your crappy Star Wars spin off?

Look at that smile! Don’t you want some of that in your crappy Star Wars spin off?

Also, come on, don’t we all want to see the in-jokes this would produce on Community?

Let Me Be Your Star

smash logo

The new season of Smash starts tomorrow and I really couldn’t be more excited.

To fully understand how much I love Smash there are a few things that you should know about me.

  1. I am a life long theatre geek. My parents went to go see Les Miserables on London’s West End while my mother was pregnant with me. It left it’s mark. I grew up in the 90’s, my entire generation understands the traditional book musical instinctively thanks to Disney. One of my earliest  childhood memories is my father allowing me to stay up late one Sunday night and watch West Side Story on TV with him. I have similar memories of My Fair Lady, and Funny Girl, but West Side is always and will always be first.
  2. My friend Katherine and I were probably more disappointed in Glee‘s descent into mediocrity and then terribleness than any other two people in the world. We loved Glee’s first season fiercely. We loved it’s characters for another season. We mourn it now, even though it isn’t really over yet.
  3. I love primetime soaps. Just love ’em. Can’t get enough. I’ve mentioned that on here before.
  4. I loved Will & Grace. I loved everything about it.
  5. When Smash premiered this time last year, (And it was almost exactly a year ago, the Monday after the Superbowl) I was living in Brooklyn, with my uncles, my father’s youngest brother Mark, my beloved godfather, and his partner Richard. They are probably the two people I love most in the world besides my parents and brother and sister. Mark is a theatrical set designer, and Richard a major music geek. They own a bar in Park Slope. I was looking for my own apartment (I eventually found one, it was kind of a disaster.) Mark and I used to watch TV together every night, the way I do with my mom now that I live home.

So, this all ads up to the fact that I am super duper excited for tomorrow’s season premier of Smash. I loved Season 1. I loved it’s sudsy awesome goodness, I loved the original music. I loved Megan Hilty as Ivy Lynne. (I still love her) It got me more in to Marilyn than I’ve ever been, having always been a Grace and Audrey girl. I hated  Karen Cartwright (played by Kat McPhee), except that you can’t hate Karen, because there’s nothing to hate, she’s just vapor.

But good God! This season should be great. Jennifer Hudson, Jesse L. Martin and Sean Hayes are going to be guest stars.

This will once again, maybe be a thing. The universe must love me a little!

Julia’s stupid affair, boring marriage and annoying son are probably out of the picture. Ellis, the horrifying creepy stalker worst character ever has been written out. As has Karen’s boyfriend Dev, who was adorable, but just took screen time away from Ivy and Derek throwing plates at each other or other overly dramatic activities they could have been engaging in. Sam and Tom are going to be the “functional couple” of this show. (The Naley, or the Carla/Turk, The Tom and Lynette or the Chandler and Monica. Every show needs one. At least every good show) We’re apparently going to be getting a leaner, meaner, more awesome Smash.

And even if we don’t, I can always just listen to “Second Hand White Baby Grand,” on my Ipod and weep for a while.