Lord Brayton: King Of Shadows

We meet our villain.

Something I’ve never been great at writing, so…we’ll see!

The Marina Chronicle

I walked into the large throne room and held my breath and counted to ten. I don’t like being in here. The great throne sits behind the large chair that Brayton has had made for himself.

After the summer. After Annalise is seventeen he can probably claim the throne and crown. Flanked at both his sides are his black guards, not proper royal protectors, like Sir Tristan and Lady Athena, but tall, large terrifying men dressed all in black, walk with him everywhere.

Also in the room are a few courtiers. Mercy Williams’s father, Lord Carver, who is so far up Lord Brayton’s, well, a lady shouldn’t say where, but he’s one of them. And as a surprise, Count Caleb is here. He’s my father’s closest friend, and I know now more than ever that he’s on Annalise’s side, but it’s always been a little off putting how good he…

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Game Of Thrones Winner: “Eastwatch”

There is a lot of stuff in this episode.

Oh just loads. Just, so much stuff.

But who won? Well, that’s hard for me to pick, but I’m going to go with Jon. Though he doesn’t know half the reason why he gets the win.

Jon and Rhaegal

OH HEY!!!!! YOU’RE MINE NOW. – Rhaegal, probably.

So, here are some things that are happening for Jon. Rhaegal let him pet him. He and Danerys have a plan to get Cersei to leave King’s Landing and fight the army of the dead (maybe). He and Gendry are buddies like instantly.

Oh, and also Gilly finds proof that Rhaegar and Elia’s marriage was annulled and Rhaegar was married to someone else, which means that Jon is in fact, the true born son of Rhaegar Targaryen, and has a better claim on the Iron Throne than Dany, if it weren’t for the whole dragon situation, and the fact that he might not want it.

Oh, also, he’s back through the wall to capture a white walker to bring to King’s landing so that Cersei can believe in the Night King or something. Also, Dany.

Also, there were several longing looks.

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

Not in the episode. Cersei, however, is pregnant with Jaime’s baby, so my other werido ship is sunk, I guess. (Euron never really stood much of a chance.)

Hey, do you think if Gendry survives everything he and Arya can get together? Remember when he said, “you could be my lady,” to her. So cute.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

Little Finger seems determined to ruin everything good in the world by exploiting the distrust between Sansa and Arya, and Sansa is determined to hold the North, since her siblings (well, and secret King Cousin!) don’t seem to give a rat’s ass. (Granted, Bran and Jon are trying to save Westeros from the apocalypse. And Jon is honoring his people’s wishes by not bending the knee to Dany, but still, I get her frustration.)

Arya Bad Ass Watch

Mostly she’s just skulking, which is important, but all her talk of cutting off heads and people betraying Jon pissed me off almost as much as it pissed Sansa off. Her taking down Little Finger however, would be nice.

Bran Stark’s The Three Eyed Raven’s Excellent Adventure

Bran sees the Night King attacking East Watch, so Jon goes there.

#NotAStark

Rhaegar & Lyanna were married. JON TARGARYEN MOTHER FUCKERS. He is the rightful king of Westeros, the chosen king of the North, and one of the three heads of the dragon.

Oh, also, he’s really sexy, and has a new buddy.

And a plan.

Sam Is A Ravenclaw (Or Possibly A Hufflepuff)

Sam left the Citadel. Gilly, meanwhile, found an important piece of information from a book that may change the course of the story. GILLY IS HERMIONE EVERYONE! Also, Sam needs to stop acting a like a Gryffindor. He’s not. He’s a Ravenclaw, he’s possibly a Hufflepuff. Not that they can’t do heroic things. (Luna Lovegood and Cedric Diggory and all…) Just, you know, all of it feels off.

Oh, but you know. Also, there is proof that Jon is a Targaryen.

How Long Til Jaime Snaps?

He won’t? Seriously, I’m bummed out about this. But, hey, he sort of kind of forgave Tyrion, so Yay?

The Dragon Has Three Heads

A NEW CANDIDATE EMERGES! (I’m talking about Gendry)

Sitcoms Ideas That Could Be The New Spin Off

Bastard Buddies: Jon and Gendry are roommates. I haven’t really gotten beyond that part yet.

Ser Mopey Bear And The Dragon Queen: Jorah and Dany’s life as newlyweds. It’s like King of Queens except with lots of glowering and pregnant pauses.

The Odd Couple: Can two sisters who survived years of trauma share a castle without driving each other crazy?

 

A Letter!

This week, Marina gets a letter from Tristan.

The Marina Chronicle

I got a letter from Tristan (Sir Tristan) today! I’m supposed to leave for the resistance camp tomorrow, and I was packing, but then Carolina (the new maid. She’s quite nice. She still doesn’t talk much.) (I wonder if I’ll have a maid at the camp.) (Probably not.) brought the letter, I couldn’t finish.

I can’t believe that he actually wrote!

Lady Marina,

We’ve arrived in Pantona, and were quite surprised to learn that you were being told the same secret as we were. It’s astounding isn’t it? We also talked about how it might be true and how you would See her and now we know for sure.

Countess Olivia has told me I can’t say much more specific. But I think you will very much like our new friend, Lisette. She’s a farmer’s daughter who the Count and Countess adopted when her parents were killed during the…

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Eventually The Tower Will Fall

The Dark Tower

On this level of the Tower, one near our own, in fact possibly even Keystone Earth, they sure refer to it as such over and over again in this movie, Jake Chambers isn’t the son of an indifferent depressed mom and a cocaine addicted status obsessed network executive, but the son of a dead fire fighter and a grieving but loving mom, and an indifferent stepfather.

Other than those details though, this is Jake, lonely, possibly crazy, sweet as pie, Jake. Strong with the touch (though they call it the Shine here, as a way to link us up even further to Stephen King, which, when you think about it, with all the talk of psychics and other worlds, that Danny Torrance and Carrie never come up in the books is WEIRD), and drawn to a terrifying mansion in Dutch Hill where he defeats a demon and finds his way through a portal to Mid-World, where he comes upon Roland Deschain.

And this is Roland, he is carrying the horn of Eld (SQUEE!) hardened and obsessed with revenge. He’s lost the path of the beam, though, he’s after Walter, who this time around is running a breaker facility, and wants Jake to be the one to finally bring the Dark Tower down.

Look, I get that if you’ve been waiting 30 years, this movie might not do the trick, but nothing will. I however was satisfied, and would be happy for more. (NO EDDIE! GIVE ME EDDIE!) Idris Elba and Matthew McConnaghey are excellently cast, and I really enjoyed McConnaghey’s performance, as the idea that Walter is kind of bored of this whole dance is enticing. The first thing we see is a bunch of psychic kids scrawling 19 all over the place, and while Jake enters Mid-World, he sees “All Hail The Crimson King” scrawled on a wall, and they’re on the run from Taheen employees of The Sombra Coporations and we even pay a visit to The Dixie Pig, so I was happy. (Not totally though, because like, where’s Susannah?) I half expected a moment where Jake hands Roland a soda for the can to read Noz-A-La.

In edition to the two perfect leads, we get Dennis Haysbert in a brief but perfect spot as Stephen Deschain. (In my head, I’m seeing Audra McDonald as Gabrielle. I’m not sure why…except that I love her.) And frankly, this movie is kind of bonkers in a way that fits with The Dark Tower, if a little stripped down and way less violent and scary.

It ends with a bullet between the eyes for Walter and Roland and Jake off to find other worlds, (and hopefully, Oy!) so maybe with enough money and luck we’ll see more and the rest of the Ka-Tet of 19 is waiting.

Rankings:

  1. Wonder Woman
  2. The Big Sick
  3. Dunkirk
  4. Spider-Man: Homecoming
  5. Guardians of The Galaxy: Volume 2
  6. King Arthur: Legend of The Sword
  7. The Dark Tower
  8. Cars 3
  9. Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Trailers:

We were pretty drunk, and late, so I didn’t remember many trailers. But whatever that plane crash movie with Idris and Kate Winslet is…well, that looks pretty good.

 

 

 

Game Of Thrones Winner: “The Spoils Of War”

Look, I realize there are many things that are great about this episode, and while much like last year’s season finale, part of me wants to declare us the winners again, because of Stark Sisters reunion and you know “Dracarys” and all. But I’m going to have to go with my usual thing here.

Arya Stark is our winner.

Arya

She got home, you guys, and she’s going to train with Brienne, and I don’t think that Little Finger is much longer for this world, thank god.

Overall, there’s just so much joy in the fact that ALL of the remaining Starks are in Winterfell, even if Bran is, you know, not, anymore, or whatever.

Runner up is Drogon. Because, ALWAYS. “Dracarys” will get me EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

Both still alive for the moment. Missandei and Dany even talk about the GREATEST SEX IN THE HISTORY OF WESTEROS for a few lines. Also, Davos trying to become buddies with Missandei is the best thing in the world, and all I want is for everyone to be friends with Davos.

We will get to the other shipping thing in #NotAStark

Sansa’s Agency Watch

BAELISH NEEDS TO GO! But other than that, I’m not sure what her reaction is to Arya training with Brienne, she seems like, not on board, exactly. Which is weird. But better is the conversation between Bran, Sansa and Arya, where they discuss the dagger that Baelish gave Bran. Which again, we’ll get to below.

Arya Badass Watch

Arya. Will. Be. Training. With. Brienne. Also she has a Valerian Steel dagger. Time for our Wolf Girl to kill some White Walkers. And she’s back with her family, where she belongs.

Oh, and she’s like 1000% going to kill Little Finger, and probably very soon.

Bran Stark’s The Three Eyed Raven’s Excellent Adventure

Bran claims to not be Bran anymore, which is why he’s very blase about both Baelish giving him the dagger and Meera leaving. But like, also, MEERA DON’T GO! Stay and be badass with the other badass Northern Ladies.

#NotAStark

Jon takes Dany into a cave, and we all know what Jon does with the pretty ladies in caves…

OK, there’s no kissing “down there,” or any hanky panky, really, but why Tyrion and Varys don’t just shake the two of them and say, “IF YOU GET MARRIED IT WILL SOLVE ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS DUMB DUMBS” I can’t quite say. But in this cave, he shows her some paintings of the first men and the children of the forest fighting the army of the dead. She agrees to help him but only if he bends the knee.

Or you know, they could get married.

They are the new ones that I shout, “NOW KISS” at.

Oh, also he doesn’t kill Theon. Which I guess was nice of him.

Sam is A Ravenclaw (Or Possibly a Hufflepuff)

No Sam this week, but his asshole of a brother, Dickon, and his dumbshit father, both almost got fried by Drogon as Dany attacked the Lannister army, which was both amazing and satisfying.

How Long Til Jaime Snaps?

Well, if he survives sinking in his armor in a lake? I’m hoping that Tyrion talks him into the right side, but you know, it’s not super likely. I was nervous he was going to get killed in the battle, further putting his brother and sister at one another’s throats, but luckily Bronn saved him.

The Dragon Has Three Heads

Here’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot. People are focusing A LOT on whether Dany or Jon are The Prince That Was Promised. But what isn’t being focused on, is that when Rhaegar was interpreting the prophecy, he noted, that “The Dragon Has Three Heads.” Also, remember this is The Song of Ice AND Fire, not Ice OR Fire, which means, that they’re both likely the Prince, and there’s a third. The third head of the dragon.

Likely candidates are Tyrion, who many theorize is also a secret Targaryen, (complicated, but basically, The Mad King was obsessed with Joanna Lannister, and may have raped her resulting in Tyrion. I hate this theory and don’t think it holds water, but whatever.) Jorah, who the Dragons have always known, and who recently “came back to life,” and oddly enough The Hound, who was reborn after his battle with Brienne and who The Lord of Light granted a vision a few episodes ago.

People I would like but who there isn’t really evidence for: Arya, Sansa (especially Sansa), Theon, Sam, Tormund, Bran.

Only three episodes left. (GULP!)

A New Dream

Marina gets a new vision of Annalise, she and her father make a plan for her to leave.

The Marina Chronicle

I woke up this morning, covered in sweat. When the maid (another new one. I don’t know her name yet. She’s very quiet. My maids keep getting replaced. I think Lord Brayton is the cause, though I can’t be sure.) came in she wasn’t surprised. I suppose someone told her about my dreams.

This was a new one and it was terrifying. My True Dreams are always disconcerting. Whatever god or demon decided that seeing the future was in my fate also decided that I was not ever to see nice things, or things that made any kind of linear sense.

Instead I saw The Girl On The Horse, who I suppose I might as well call Princess Annalise now, we were no longer on the hill overlooking the city, now we were in the city, or what was once the city, it was engulfed in flames. Annalise was walking…

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