Eventually The Tower Will Fall

The Dark Tower

On this level of the Tower, one near our own, in fact possibly even Keystone Earth, they sure refer to it as such over and over again in this movie, Jake Chambers isn’t the son of an indifferent depressed mom and a cocaine addicted status obsessed network executive, but the son of a dead fire fighter and a grieving but loving mom, and an indifferent stepfather.

Other than those details though, this is Jake, lonely, possibly crazy, sweet as pie, Jake. Strong with the touch (though they call it the Shine here, as a way to link us up even further to Stephen King, which, when you think about it, with all the talk of psychics and other worlds, that Danny Torrance and Carrie never come up in the books is WEIRD), and drawn to a terrifying mansion in Dutch Hill where he defeats a demon and finds his way through a portal to Mid-World, where he comes upon Roland Deschain.

And this is Roland, he is carrying the horn of Eld (SQUEE!) hardened and obsessed with revenge. He’s lost the path of the beam, though, he’s after Walter, who this time around is running a breaker facility, and wants Jake to be the one to finally bring the Dark Tower down.

Look, I get that if you’ve been waiting 30 years, this movie might not do the trick, but nothing will. I however was satisfied, and would be happy for more. (NO EDDIE! GIVE ME EDDIE!) Idris Elba and Matthew McConnaghey are excellently cast, and I really enjoyed McConnaghey’s performance, as the idea that Walter is kind of bored of this whole dance is enticing. The first thing we see is a bunch of psychic kids scrawling 19 all over the place, and while Jake enters Mid-World, he sees “All Hail The Crimson King” scrawled on a wall, and they’re on the run from Taheen employees of The Sombra Coporations and we even pay a visit to The Dixie Pig, so I was happy. (Not totally though, because like, where’s Susannah?) I half expected a moment where Jake hands Roland a soda for the can to read Noz-A-La.

In edition to the two perfect leads, we get Dennis Haysbert in a brief but perfect spot as Stephen Deschain. (In my head, I’m seeing Audra McDonald as Gabrielle. I’m not sure why…except that I love her.) And frankly, this movie is kind of bonkers in a way that fits with The Dark Tower, if a little stripped down and way less violent and scary.

It ends with a bullet between the eyes for Walter and Roland and Jake off to find other worlds, (and hopefully, Oy!) so maybe with enough money and luck we’ll see more and the rest of the Ka-Tet of 19 is waiting.

Rankings:

  1. Wonder Woman
  2. The Big Sick
  3. Dunkirk
  4. Spider-Man: Homecoming
  5. Guardians of The Galaxy: Volume 2
  6. King Arthur: Legend of The Sword
  7. The Dark Tower
  8. Cars 3
  9. Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Trailers:

We were pretty drunk, and late, so I didn’t remember many trailers. But whatever that plane crash movie with Idris and Kate Winslet is…well, that looks pretty good.

 

 

 

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