Game Of Thrones Winner: “The Spoils Of War”

Look, I realize there are many things that are great about this episode, and while much like last year’s season finale, part of me wants to declare us the winners again, because of Stark Sisters reunion and you know “Dracarys” and all. But I’m going to have to go with my usual thing here.

Arya Stark is our winner.

Arya

She got home, you guys, and she’s going to train with Brienne, and I don’t think that Little Finger is much longer for this world, thank god.

Overall, there’s just so much joy in the fact that ALL of the remaining Starks are in Winterfell, even if Bran is, you know, not, anymore, or whatever.

Runner up is Drogon. Because, ALWAYS. “Dracarys” will get me EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

Both still alive for the moment. Missandei and Dany even talk about the GREATEST SEX IN THE HISTORY OF WESTEROS for a few lines. Also, Davos trying to become buddies with Missandei is the best thing in the world, and all I want is for everyone to be friends with Davos.

We will get to the other shipping thing in #NotAStark

Sansa’s Agency Watch

BAELISH NEEDS TO GO! But other than that, I’m not sure what her reaction is to Arya training with Brienne, she seems like, not on board, exactly. Which is weird. But better is the conversation between Bran, Sansa and Arya, where they discuss the dagger that Baelish gave Bran. Which again, we’ll get to below.

Arya Badass Watch

Arya. Will. Be. Training. With. Brienne. Also she has a Valerian Steel dagger. Time for our Wolf Girl to kill some White Walkers. And she’s back with her family, where she belongs.

Oh, and she’s like 1000% going to kill Little Finger, and probably very soon.

Bran Stark’s The Three Eyed Raven’s Excellent Adventure

Bran claims to not be Bran anymore, which is why he’s very blase about both Baelish giving him the dagger and Meera leaving. But like, also, MEERA DON’T GO! Stay and be badass with the other badass Northern Ladies.

#NotAStark

Jon takes Dany into a cave, and we all know what Jon does with the pretty ladies in caves…

OK, there’s no kissing “down there,” or any hanky panky, really, but why Tyrion and Varys don’t just shake the two of them and say, “IF YOU GET MARRIED IT WILL SOLVE ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS DUMB DUMBS” I can’t quite say. But in this cave, he shows her some paintings of the first men and the children of the forest fighting the army of the dead. She agrees to help him but only if he bends the knee.

Or you know, they could get married.

They are the new ones that I shout, “NOW KISS” at.

Oh, also he doesn’t kill Theon. Which I guess was nice of him.

Sam is A Ravenclaw (Or Possibly a Hufflepuff)

No Sam this week, but his asshole of a brother, Dickon, and his dumbshit father, both almost got fried by Drogon as Dany attacked the Lannister army, which was both amazing and satisfying.

How Long Til Jaime Snaps?

Well, if he survives sinking in his armor in a lake? I’m hoping that Tyrion talks him into the right side, but you know, it’s not super likely. I was nervous he was going to get killed in the battle, further putting his brother and sister at one another’s throats, but luckily Bronn saved him.

The Dragon Has Three Heads

Here’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot. People are focusing A LOT on whether Dany or Jon are The Prince That Was Promised. But what isn’t being focused on, is that when Rhaegar was interpreting the prophecy, he noted, that “The Dragon Has Three Heads.” Also, remember this is The Song of Ice AND Fire, not Ice OR Fire, which means, that they’re both likely the Prince, and there’s a third. The third head of the dragon.

Likely candidates are Tyrion, who many theorize is also a secret Targaryen, (complicated, but basically, The Mad King was obsessed with Joanna Lannister, and may have raped her resulting in Tyrion. I hate this theory and don’t think it holds water, but whatever.) Jorah, who the Dragons have always known, and who recently “came back to life,” and oddly enough The Hound, who was reborn after his battle with Brienne and who The Lord of Light granted a vision a few episodes ago.

People I would like but who there isn’t really evidence for: Arya, Sansa (especially Sansa), Theon, Sam, Tormund, Bran.

Only three episodes left. (GULP!)

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