Game Of Thrones Winner: “Stormborn”

Two down, five to go. And we’ve got a pretty clear winner tonight.

Sansa Stark, is tonight’s winner of Game Of Thrones

Sansa season 7

Finally, all of Sansa’s fighting with Jon paid off, and he put her in charge of The North while he heads to Dragonstone to go palaver with Dany. (OK…I’m bringing Dark Tower language into my Game Of Thrones recaps…my fandoms are touching and I’m too excited to care much.) Also, all of the Northern Lords are way more in line with her than they are with Jon, which isn’t great in the long run, but is good for her right now.

Runner up is Euron, because, I mean, it’s Euron. I’m not going to miss The Sand Snakes, but I am going to miss Yara. He gets the win, because that was a decisive victory, but it was brutal, and to quote Michael, “Euron is going to be a problem.” 

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch:

OMG! OMG! OMG! Before Grey Worm goes off to conquer Casterly Rock in Dany’s name, Missandei comes to say goodbye, and they confess their love, and then they kiss and then they have SEX! And it’s AWESOME! And I managed not to squee, but OMG! OMG! OMG! How does Grey Worm, who as we all know, does not have a dick, have sex with Missandei? He goes down on her. And it’s great, and I’m really, happy about this.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

She won this week. I’m worried in the long run about what that power is going to do to my girl, but I’m happy for her, and the agency, there is so much of it.

Arya Bad Ass Watch

Arya is slowly but surely becoming a person again, and it’s really a cool arc. This week she saw Hot Pie again, and they talked about how Jon is The King In The North now, and she decided to abandon her “Kill Cersei” quest and go home, UNTIL, she encounters Nymeria and her pack (OMG OMG OMG!) in the woods, and her wolf refuses to come with her. You aren’t yet a wolf again Arya.

Bran Stark’s Excellent Adventure

No Bran this week.

#NotAStark

This week, our King In The North, the last son of Ned Stark, who, lest we forget is #notastark, got two important letters, one from Sam, and one from Tyrion. The one from Tyrion was asking him to come to Dragonstone and meet Dany and then bone her…umm, OK, actually is was requesting he bend the knee. But whatever. The one from SAM, pointed out that there’s a giant mountain of dragonglass at Dragonstone. So, Jon’s off south with Davos. The Lords of The North are #notonboard, but he’s leaving Sansa in charge, so that should go well. (I do not anticipate this going well.)

Sam Is A Ravenclaw (Or Possibly A Hufflepuff)

Sam continues to feel useless at Hogwarts, but when he’s standing with the Archmaester, he does get to check out Jorah’s greyscale. Then he sears and cuts it off, and it is disgusting. But hey, Jorah, might not have greyscale anymore? So that’s a win! And Sam does all of this out of memory to Lord Commander Mormont, and comes very short of saying, “I’m a good person, and also your dad was THE SHIT, so you’re not dying of greyscale on my watch, Mr. Mopey Bear.”

How Long Til Jaime Snaps?

Oh, well, since Euron’s likely to sail back to King’s Landing with Ellaria Sand’s head? Which means Cersei will probably marry him? Not long now. Also, he was trying to convince Sam’s dad to fight for Cersei. He did not succeed. I don’t think he’ll be able to succeed in getting many allies for Cersei, since he barely believes in her himself anymore.

People Dany Should 100% Listen To

Olenna Tyrell and Varys. Also Jon. Tyrion had a good plan that did not calculate for Euron and Theon being a total weenie.

Has Little Finger Learned ANYTHING?

Nope. People might remember that once upon a time, Brandon Stark almost killed him in a duel for Cat’s hand. Then there was that time that Ned put him into a wall for hiding Cat in a brothel, and now Jon chokes him out and threatens to kill him if he touches Sansa.

Granted, he did outlive both Brandon and Ned, but still, like, don’t mess with their women, Baelish. It’ll get you beat up.

 

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