I was 3 issues behind on Bitch Planet, because I’d mostly given up on reading comics, wanted to re-teach myself to read prose, and a lot of other justifications.
I read all three issues, their back essays, their letters and Kelly Sue’s meditations on whatever it is that she’s thinking about these days.
As usual as I read through I think about myself, my life, my principals and how I compromise. The times I do comply to make my life easier, the times I don’t. The ways I am protected, the ways I am vulnerable, the things I get to say because of my privilege. Because of my race, because of my socio-economic class, my comforts, my education, my family.
I think of how frustrated I get that I have all of these things and still find myself feeling like everyone I work with looks at me like a silly girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing. I still look in the mirror and think that I’m not pretty enough, not thin enough. I still think I’m not smart enough. Not strong enough. Not enough.
Maybe that’s why I stayed away for a while. Because Bitch Planet always makes me ask these questions and look at these issues and lately I just haven’t felt like it, and then I feel guilty for not feeling like it and the cycle begins anew.
I’d given up comics because I felt myself losing engagement, and now I’m picking one up again to feel engaged.
It’s a weird oxymoron, I know.
But if there’s one thing that I’ve taken away from this reading it’s the following. I’m not radical. I just am not. I never have been and I’m not sure I ever will be. I am, in my deepest most private nature, a conservative person. I like routines and sameness, and warmth and home. I like waking up in the morning and knowing what my day has in store.
But here’s where I differ from what the mainline narrative of a person like me goes. Here’s where my non compliance comes into play. There is nothing in me, ever, that feels like everyone should want those things. I hate that anyone should be forced into a box.That anyone should be denied the chance to find the life that feels right to them. I also feel like anyone should have a shot at those things. Not just people who look, love and act like me.
Pushed into this run of Bitch Planet was a family that was trying to fight The Protectorate and The Council of Fathers and who’s oldest daughter was punished for it. It presents us with, as far as I can remember, the first man who’s actively working against the current system. And it’s cool to see.
Like I said, reading this book makes me feel weird and philosophical which I know is the point.
Anyway, I’m off to Nashville for the weekend with my family. Which means that I may have to keep a lid on all my patriarchy stamping, as I prefer my dad’s head unexploded, thanks.