Game Of Thrones Winner: “The Kingsroad”

I forgot that this was the second episode. So many things happen here that are so important, and I thought for sure that they happened in the fourth or fifth episode, for some reason.

I’m just saying there was a time when the plot just burned in this show.

Anyway, the loser of this episode is absolutely clear…but we’ll get to that. But far more importantly let’s talk about the winner.

Danerys Targaryen, Khaleesi, Stormborn, in this episode you won The Game of Thrones!

DanerysIt is known.

Danerys, in this episode, chills out with her handmaidens and hears all kind of stories about the moon, and dragons, and how they came to be. And also, you know, “it is known.” Which I totally forgot about, and is the Dorthraki way of saying, “um duh?” She also learns from Doreah how to have good sex and she and Drogo have some of that good sex.

Also there are lots of foreshadowy establishing shots of the dragon eggs. Because, in case you don’t know, those are very important.

The runner up is Joffrey, because this is probably the only time when you feel even a little bad for him. I mean, not really, because he’s still such a shit, but he comes off as more spoiled and cowardly than you know, a total fucking sociopath, but when Robert shames him for letting Arya disarm him, you almost feel bad for him. Almost.

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

Doreah is like a proto Missandei, so this section is going to be about her today. She’s way sketchier than our girl, but she’s also much more the advisor that Dany needs right now. At this point in her story, Dany just needs to know how to have sex with her husband without crying. Ruling is a far off thing that doesn’t matter.

It is known.

Sansa Agency Watch

The death of Lady is the death of Sansa’s agency. Any media studies majors want to use that as a thesis? Basically, Sansa had a lot of control, and was even keeping her cool with The Hound, and then she left Lady behind to hang out with Joffrey, and everything went wrong and spun out of her control, no matter how hard she tried to get that control back. (Lady lost the Game of Thrones today) Sansa shouting, “stop it, you’re spoiling everything!” is directed at Arya sure, but it’s also Joffrey, the gallant prince she imagined he is, doesn’t exist and she’s starting to see that now.

Arya Bad Ass Watch

Arya gets needle from Jon this episode in what is one of my favorite scenes. She practices sword fighting with Mycha. (RIP Mycha, we hardly knew you.) She also disarmed Joffrey and held his sword in his face until he cried. I can’t wait until she gets back to Westeros and lays down revengy awesome justice on the people who continue to hurt the people she cares about. Also she “White Fangs” Nymeria (Thanks for the term New Girl) to save her life. I really hope Nymeria gets some action in The Winds Of Winter. But we get my favorite Arya moment ever in this episode, which also illustrates sibling relationships. (With the exception of The Lannisters, Game of Thrones totally nails fraternal love.) Arya and Sansa are at each other’s throats but then when Lady is sentenced to death for Nymeria’s crime, thus putting Sansa’s soul on the line for Arya’s, Arya immediately gets defensive of her sister and her sister’s wolf. Sure Arya will fight with her sister, and call her stupid and all of that, but if an outsider steps in, get out the way bitch.

It is known.

Who was Jamie a dick to?

We all rember that Jamie Lannister used to be a massive dick to everyone but Cersei, and also sometimes Cersei, but in this new feature, we will call out his dickishness until he meets Brienne and gets better!

This episode, Jamie was a dick to Jon Snow! He made fun of the Night’s Watch and was just, generally a dick.

It is known.

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