So last night was the season 1 finale of Empire, it was two hours long and it was awesome, but for every triumphant OMG YAY! moment that hit there was a mirror WTF NO! moment to go with it because this is TV soap opera and it’s delightful.
- OMG YAY! Cookie and Malcolm go to the Berkshires and hook up and it’s awesome. He’s so in love with her, and she thinks he’s like super hot, you guys, and also she’s only ever had sex with Lucious, which is sweet, but kills my theory that Puma is actually Hakeem’s father. WTF NO! Lucious finds out and fires Cookie and then Malcolm moves to DC, and Cookie refuses to go with him, because she can’t abandoned the boys.
- OMG YAY! Snoop Dogg! Hakeem gets to perform with him, which cements the fact that Hakeem is the luckiest little SOB ever. During a freestyle with Snoop and Titan, Hakeem stands up to Lucious and calls him out for being a terrible human being. Then Lucious punches Hakeem in the face. WTF No! Hakeem decides to deflect to Creedmoor, because of his father being terrible. Also he has sex with Anika, because his Mommy issues exploded.
- OMG YAY! Andre found Jesus! WTF No! Andre left Rhonda for Jennifer Hudson (Michelle? I think her name is)
- OMG YAY! Cookie brings her sister to New York. There is no WTF No! on this, it’s pure gold.
- OMG YAY! Lucious and Jamal go to their old house in Philadelphia and write a song together. Lucious is totally OK with Jamal’s gayness now, at least on the surface. Jamal is so happy because he just wanted his father to love him. WTF NO! Jamal takes Lucious’s side over Cookie after Cookie tries to smother Lucious with a pillow. Also, he’s pretty not cool to his brothers.
- OMG YAY! Lucious was misdiagnosed and doesn’t have ALS. WTF NO! Lucious is no longer dying. This leads to his “the worst” behavior going all over the place.
- OMG YAY! Lucious confesses to killing Bunkie in his sleep and Cookie considers smothering him with a pillow. WTF No! Cookie does not smother Lucious with a pillow. He totally deserves it.
- OMG YAY! Ryan and Jamal are totally a thing. WTF No! Ryan and Jamal are totally a thing.
- OMG YAY! Lucious gives Empire over to Jamal in a ridiculous gift ceremony, where he gives Hakeem a plane, I think? And Andre like, Jesus, or whatever? WTF No! Andre, Hakeem, Anika and Cookie organize a hostile take over, because, now that he’s in charge Jamal is being kind of a huge dick about everything.
- OMG YAY! Patti LaBelle! WTF No! No Tiana
- OMG YAY! Agent Carter (not THAT Agent Carter) asks Cookie to testify against Lucious. She says no. Vernon comes back, he says yes! OMG No! Vernon goes to talk to Andre and they fight and Rhonda kills Vernon to protect Andre
- OMG YAY! Cooke and Anika have a cat fight. No WTF NO to go with that. It was sublime
- OMG YAY! RHONDA IS PREGNANT! WTF NO! Rhonda killed Vernon
- OMG YAY! Cookie and Jamal make up, because of course they do. They’re Cookie and Jamal, they are the best part of this whole damn show. WTF No! Jamal is really sad when Lucious is put in prison. For some reason.
- OMG YAY! We already know there’ll be a season 2. WTF No! We have no idea when, or how long it will be.
I’m so glad that this show exists, that it’s a hit and that everyone I know who watches it loves it as much as I do.