“I want you to remember my hand at your throat…”

Sorry I was gone for so long! Work, the show I’m in, and a beach house with no internet access are to blame for my lack of posting. Also I was working on my Camp National Novel Writing Month project. I won, yay me!

So alas, I opted out of writing about comic con, or the premier of The Newsroom. But, in reality, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about one of the biggest Comic Con announcements ever.

It’s been two weeks, you all probably know what I’m talking about by now. Zach Snyder implied, heavily and dramatically that the sequel to Man of Steel will involve some kind of involvement from Batman. If you follow my facebook page, you’ll remember that my initial reaction was that I had a lot of feelings about it. I still do. So many feelings.

But I’ve mostly sorted through them, and I’ve decided that I mainly feel excited.

So very, deeply excited.

Because whether I like it or not, this is either going to be the greatest movie of all time, or a spectacular flaming failure, which will be super fun to watch.

No stranger to cinematic disasters is The Dark Knight...

No stranger to cinematic disasters is The Dark Knight…

So I’m excited, and like any good fangirl or fanboy, there are things that I’m hoping to see and things that I’ll be really mad if they are included.

I actually really hope that they’re not going to rely too heavily on the Superman/Batman battle from The Dark Knight Returns. Not because I don’t think that TDKR is amazing. It is. Saying you’re a Batman fan and not liking Frank Miller’s classic series is kind of like being a Catholic and saying you don’t buy into that whole “Blessed Mother” business, it just doesn’t quite add up. But, relying on the format of that particular show down would be a massively huge mistake.

That fight between Clark and Bruce in the desert is steeped in decades of friendship, rivalry and betrayal. It is not meant to be a first encounter but an inevitable end point for these two men who know each other better than anyone else. Man of Steel 2 (what I’m calling it for now in my head) will not be that kind of story. At least if they want it to be any good it won’t be.

Here’s what I want the crossover to be, in a perfect world.

Bruce Wayne, who as we all know, retired and faked his own death in order to run away and have lots of sex with Selina Kyle and make awkward eye contact with Alfred in cafes once a year, takes a break from boning Selina on their private island or whatever, to read a newspaper. In it he reads an interesting article about this strange alien hero who recently destroyed Metropolis in the name of truth, justice and the American way. This prompts Bruce, against Selina’s better judgement mind you, to contact Batman Beyond…erm, I mean 2.0? Whatever, he gets in touch with “Robin” John Blake and tells him to maybe check this out. Of course all of this is happening simultaneously with Clark fighting with Lex Luthor about something. (Lex will be rebuilding Metropolis, obvs.) Blake inevitably screws this up, which drives Bruce out of retirement. He brings Selina and their new born baby daughter, Helena with him. (I will continue to fight for Helena Wayne’s existence, even if no one else gives a crap about her.)

Of course this is in a perfect world where Christian Bale would once again don the cape and cowl. This outcome is as unlikely as it would be awesome. 

Here are a few other scenarios that would make me very happy:

A shot for shot live action remake of the 3 part Superman: The Animated Series episode “World’s Finest,” complete with Clark/Lois/Bruce  love triangle, convoluted Joker/Lex murder plot, Mercy/Harley slapstick fun and that dragon made out of kryptonite.

Also this moment, which is one of the greatest of all time.

Also this moment, which is one of the greatest of all time.

Any scenario in which Tom Welling plays Bruce Wayne. I don’t actually think this would be good, by the way, just hilarious.

Any scenario in which Jon Hamm plays Bruce. This would be both actually good and hilarious. Win-win when you think about it.

Any scenario that ends with Bruce and Clark in the kind of tentative alliance like in the DCAU. The whole, I don’t really like that guy but I respect the hell out of him and I’ll help him out when I can, dynamic is my favorite way for Superman and Batman to interact. 

A small cameo appearance in a post credit scene a la the Marvel Cinematic Universe. (This is the most likely.)

Of course it will probably be none of these. I’m sure I’ll be surprised and wowed, and love whatever it is. Of course, my CSD addled mind will only accept a DC Cinematic Universe in which Adrian Grenier plays Aquaman.

I refuse to believe that Vinnie Chase is not a real person.

I refuse to believe that Vinnie Chase is not a real person.

 

 

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