Goodbye, Norma Jean: A Requiem for Smash

I rarely complain about shows I love getting the axe early. Honestly, I get it, TV is a complicated game, and I have weird taste.

And it seems to be, you lived your life, like a candle in the wind...

And it seems to be, you lived your life, like a candle in the wind…

But I’m super sad that Smash isn’t getting a third season. Not because it actually deserves one. Let’s be real here for a minute. Smash is a ridiculous show that has an audience appeal of like 6 people, 4 of whom are related to me. But I’m so sad that we’ll never get to see some of the amazing storylines that could have come in the future. Here are some of them:

Tony Night! Bombshell wins Best Musical, Julia and Tom win the writing awards and in touching speeches dedicate their wins to Kyle’s memory. Jimmy uses this rejection as an excuse to go on a bender and say mean things to Karen, who immediately forgives him. Meanwhile, Karen wins Best Actress for Hit List and Lee wins Best Featured. A Tony-less Ivy gets drunk and hits on Jimmy to make Derek pay attention to her again. Special Guest Appearance by Neil Patrick Harris, because it’s the Tonys, and he would be hosting.

Anything involving Derek’s gay father who we heard mentioned once and then never again.

Michael Swift returns to play Jay Gatsby in Julia’s new play and she has an existential crisis about it and treats Tom like crap in recompense, even though he had nothing to do with it.

Tom and Sam get married and adopt a daughter who they name Julia Ivy. They hire Ellis to be her nanny, because no one on this show ever learns anything. He tries to kill her with peanuts as revenge for some imagined slight. Ivy hallucinates that her little name sake is scheming against her and Sam and Tom just pat her on the head and tell her she’s pretty.

The night before his wedding to Ivy, Derek shows up drunk at Karen and Jimmy’s shared loft. Karen kicks him out but Ivy calls off the wedding when she finds out because any mention of Karen causes her to have a nervous breakdown. They wind up getting married anyway, because Jimmy has a heart to heart with her, about accepting the inevitable stupidness that is Karen and Derek.

Season long plot line of Bombshell the movie. Karen, having become a recording sensation after the whole Hit List thing, is cast as Marilyn. Ivy, no surprise, has a nervous breakdown. Tom and Julia clash with the screen writer, played by special guest star Anthony Rapp, and Derek gets the job as director, which as he and Ivy are now married, doesn’t help her nervous breakdown. Tom and Julia eventually collaborate with the screen writer to write an awesome original song, that wins the Oscar. Derek also wins. Karen does not. Ivy is vindicated, especially when in his Oscar speech Derek says, “I would absolutely never have been able to do this, none of us would without the amazing determination and vision of Ivy Lynne.”

Series finale should be a time jump to the closing of Bombshell, which includes an encore of Karen and Ivy onstage after the curtain call singing “Let Me Be Your Star.” (Do you have chills? Because I got them while I was typing it.)

I have clearly been thinking about this a lot. Although for some reason, none of my imagined story lines have much to do with Eileen. I love her, really, I do, but I kind of just want to her to drink martinis and call everyone a genius all the time.

Anyway, I will miss you Smash. I will miss getting drunk and live tweeting to you. I will miss Derek’s musical hallucinations. I will miss everything about Miss Ivy Lynne. I will miss “The Magical Karen Cartwright.” I will miss getting “History is Made At Night” stuck in my head. (I probably won’t miss this actually, because I still have the Bombshell “Cast Album” on my I-Pod…) I’ll miss seeing Christian Borle perform once a week. I’ll miss the Marilyn drag, and I’ll miss the cast of Rent popping up where you least expect them.

Alas, though, you’re gone Smash. So, I will now have to dedicate my obsessive nerd energy towards, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Which, looks amazing, incidentally.

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